Tell Me How You REALLY Feel

Last night, while j was having to work late, I instructed him to post to his blog. Considering that his role in much of the work he was doing was supervisory, I knew he would have time on his hands. Also, I assumed that since I had put his anklets back on, he might be feeling more submissive again.

I was more than a little disappointed when I read his post. His post was full of complaints about how busy life has been, and how the general chaos of life's events had prevented him from feeling submissive.

Just a few hours prior to him posting, I had put his anklets back on. I had also told him that our friends (who are also involved in the lifestyle) would be visiting on Saturday. His post did not touch on any of this. Honestly, I just felt confused. How could I be feeling so Dominant, and yet he not be feeling submissive? We have been in the lifestyle for a good length of time now, and for the most part, the more Dominant I am the more submissive he becomes (and vice versa).

I went to bed last night rather vexed. I shared my feelings with j before going to bed, but felt that if I slept on it I would feel better in the morning. I woke up this morning and for a few seconds it was like any other morning, and then- as if slapped in the face- I remembered his post. It had bugged me so much that I was still upset the next morning. We talked a bit about it before we went to work this morning, and some things were resolved.

I know that j was/is frustrated because he has been working long hours and has extra responsibilities. But I am entering a new profession entirely, and am working and going to school as well to get my Masters degree. Yes, he has a lot on him, but so do I! And if I can have a lot on me and still feel Dominant, why can't he have a lot on him and still feel submissive?

I must say that now, almost 24 hours later, I am feeling better. I know that j is struggling with everything that is going on in his life right now, and he is doing the best that he can to be the best husband he can to me. I reread his post today, for the third time. Part of his post was about how I had recently removed his cuffs for a few days because we would be visiting with family. He wrote:

"i noticed immediately the lightness of my feet and legs. i knew deep inside i felt incomplete. Sometimes it's really frustrating to have to put on these "masks" for other people."

While his post was not what I would have hoped for, these three sentences fill me with a lot of hope.

Exciting Weekend Ahead

It has been a long week for j and I (hence the lack of posting!). We have both been very busy at our respective jobs, with very little down time. Still, we have managed to keep the D/s flowing between us.

I had removed j's anklets last weekend when we went to visit my father. I knew he would be swimming, and I did not think it was appropriate for him to wear them. When we returned, I had not put them back on him. Don't get me wrong, I had not forgotten, I just really did not have time to put them back on him properly. It did not seem right to just slap them on. : ) j sweetly reminded me this morning, as he raised up his pant legs and said, "Mistress, my legs feel too light." It was very touching, as I know that j feels awkward asking for anything like this, since he feels it is my place to decide. I knew that for him to get to the point that he asked me about it, he must have been very desperate to have his anklets back on. Tonight I invited him into the bedroom and had him undress. I took his anklets out of the cabinet, and he got in the fetal position on the bed. I liked seeing him so vulnerable, it made the moment that much more intense for me. I put his anklets back on, then groped his body a bit. I played with his cock and testicles with my toes, squeezing them.

j has been very good to me this week. he has made (or offered to make) breakfast each morning, sent me roses at work, and has been getting our daughter off to school each day. I am very blessed to have such an attentive sub!

Now on to the purpose of this post... our friends Domina and anthony, who had pulled away from D/s due to some turmoil in their relationship, now seem to be embracing the lifestyle again. Domina asked us to join them for dinner this weekend, but I was not really sure if either of us would be up to it. She thoughtfully suggested that they come to us (saving us the drive). I decided this is just what we need after a week of working too hard- to be able to spend some time with our good friends, feeling free to be ourselves. I am really looking forward to it!

Domina is a fantastic Woman, and our friendship means a lot to me. When she told me that she and anthony were taking a break from D/s, I was disappointed. She is such a kindred spirit, and sharing our journeys together has made me stronger, and given me countless ideas of ways to dominate j. I am sure that our time together will be wonderful!

Silky and Sexy

Ever since one of j's transgressions several months ago, he has been wearing my panties each day. Initially this punishment was to last a month, but I decided that I like it so much, it is here to stay. he also washes my panties by hand, usually a few times a week. Initially he was rather slack about this, but now has become quite the little panty-washer! I may never go back to using the washing machine for my delicates again!

During the time our daughter was away at camp, j came home each day, removed all of his clothes (except for his panties), and put on his training collar. It pleased me that he did this without any prompting from me. his anklets arrived early this week, and the combination of anklets, panties and a collar was almost too much for me to take. I could barely keep my hands off of him.

We had played around with forced feminization in the past, but it seemed like it did not do much for either one of us. The idea has become more appealing to me recently, and I credit at least some of that with our friends Domina and anthony. Reading their ventures into feminization really piqued my interest. This is yet another area where we are learning and growing deeper in our Dominance and submission.

I keep the house rather cool, and j told me he was feeling cold and asked if he could put on a shirt. I told him I would get him something. I laughed to myself as I went down the hall to our bedroom. I was going to get him something to wear, but he wasn't going to like it! I found a silky gold pajama top and handed it to him. To my surprise, j happily put it on, and looked really good in it. The combination of the collar, anklets and silky top and panties was just.... hot! I was surprised the next night when he asked if he could wear it again. Of course I allowed it.

It's nice that we are both learning and becoming even more comfortable in our roles. There is nothing better than exploring desires and sexuality with a loving partner.

The Quest for the Alternative Collar

j has had a shiny metal collar from Eternity Collars that he has worn throughout the winter and continues to wear now. It is a very significant symbol of his undying devotion to me. He actually wore it for a couple years straight, but then I removed it when I became concerned after someone noticed it and was actually aware of the significance of it. Yup, we were outed (at least by that one individual). Actually, in hindsight I believe that he probably knew what it was because he is a sub as well. After that experience I was hesitant to put it back on him, but did in early winter since I knew he would be wearing shirts with collars. It is still noticeable even then, as I see a glint now and then in the back as it catches the light, but someone would have to be looking carefully to really see it.

Now, with the warm weather, the collar is showing again. It is time for some sort of alternative collar. My sub has suggested anklets, which I think would be a nice idea. They would still be a problem though at the beach, for instance. I have considered a simple chain that would be no different from what some men wear, but I just want something more sturdy. I want something that I can grab and yank him by when I want his attention!

The search continues, and I know I must make a decision soon. In the meantime, I am aroused thinking of the possibilities. A small tattoo sounds nice, as does a piercing. While neither are a collar per se, they are permanent reminders of his desire to serve and please me.

Ultimately I believe the solution may end up being a combination of alternatives: his regular collar for the winter months, anklets for most other months, and something small to use at the beach or pool...maybe even his steel cock ring for these occasions? I am curious how other D/s couples incorporate collars into everyday life!