All Dressed Up and Nowhere To Go

I'm a pretty understanding person. I understand that sometimes things happen beyond our control. But it is difficult to be understanding when things like this happen... a lot.

We were all set to have dinner with Domina and anthony tonight. By all set, I mean that j and I had taken our daughter to her grandmother's house for the weekend (3 hours away), j had gotten everything for dinner together, we had arranged to have our dogs elsewhere for the evening, the house had been picked up. j had texted and called anthony around noon and did not get a response. Around 2 pm, he got a phone call from anthony saying that he and Domina would not be coming. Something had come up with his kids, and he would not be able to make it.

I was in the bedroom, getting ready, when j came in. He said to me, "You know, we need to find new friends. D and a will not be coming tonight." He went on to explain that a had called, and that something was going on with his soon-to-be ex-wife and kids.

This should not have come as a surprise to me. As you may remember, two weekends ago, right in the middle of a great dinner, Domina and anthony had to leave unexpectedly when he had to go pick up his daughter. j and I were quite disappointed, but at the same time understanding. We have both been divorced, and we have kids. We know that sometimes things come up.

It was their idea to get together this weekend to try things again. It was a great idea- it required a little finagling on our part to make arrangements for our daughter, but we felt that their company was worth it.

Right now I don't know what to say. It's mid-afternoon, and we live in a rural area so it's not like we can pick up and go to a nice dinner or a movie and make the best of a bad situation. Yes, we could be intimate, but as angry as I am right now I might take it out on j.

This whole thing makes me sad. I am, and have always been, a giving person. I think nothing of being their for my friends when they need me, and when Domina and anthony were having a rough time, I did everything I could to help them both. I talked/emailed/texted Domina for hours on end. I met with both of them and tried to help them reconcile.

Even after it seemed their relationship was drifting back towards "Vanillaville," I wanted to remain friends with Domina. As I have posted before, she is the type of person I would like to be friends with even if we did not share the common bond of being Dommes. The fact that we do is the icing on the cake.

j and I were both excited when it seemed that the D/s passion was back between them. We were happy for them, and happy for ourselves as well, since we had first met as a D/s couple seeking another D/s couple for friendship. And while part of me wants to just let the disappointment go and move on, I do not know if I can.

To their credit, they did try to shift things around to come out for a short time. But it seemed pointless, since they would be driving quite a bit for a short amount of time here, and really the offer to do that only came up after I got upset about them cancelling on us.

So here I am, dressed up and looking quite hot, and feeling not too unlike how I did two weeks ago when they left in the midst of a fantastic dinner to attend to a crisis. I really like both of them, j and I love spending time with them, but if their lives are in so much turmoil that they cannot keep their plans (or at least give a reasonable amount of notice), I am not sure that it is beneficial to continue on.

Frustrated and angry

For two weeks j let me down pretty much continuously. While I have gotten over some of my anger, enough of it is lingering that I feel the need to express it. I have a lot on my plate right now... I work 40+ hours a week (sometimes 50+), and I am also going to school to get my master's degree. I am a mother to four children, and I also have two dogs and five puppies that I am caring for. Life is hectic! Despite all the craziness of life though, I have (or had anyway) been writing in my blog frequently, as well as keeping up with our D/s life.

I do not feel that I ask a lot of j. In fact, I feel I am very generous and also very sensitive of his feelings. I do have a few things that I require. I want him to write in his blog at least once a week. I also want him to make dinner for me once a week (something real, not Betty Crocker or take-out!). Finally, as part of his recent punishment, he is required to hand-wash my panties. Frankly, I ask very little of him. his performance, however, is seriously lacking lately.

he is barely blogging. he rarely posts anything unless I fuss at him about it. he has yet to make a single homemade dinner for me since I asked him to do that over a month ago. Also, he has been washing my panties, but doing a terrible job, since I can still smell myself on them. When confronted about it, he came up with excuses.

Additionally, his family came down this past week, which is always stressful. They are great people, but they are very difficult to be around for any length of time. j did do a nice job of keeping the house clean, and I truly do appreciate that.

I am tired of feeling that my needs are last on his list. he can spend hours playing games, watching movies, talking on the phone with his friends, etc. but cannot find ten minutes to blog? cannot clean my panties to my satisfaction? cannot make me a nice dinner?

I am starting to feel (and sound) like a neglected wife, and I hate that. I know that I can force him to do all of these things. I know I can command him to drop everything he is doing and go post in his blog. I know I can force him to watch my panties for hours on end. But damnit... why should I always have to follow him around and make these demands? Shouldn't it be enough that he knows that I want him to do these things, and I ask him once and he does them?