When I Think About You, I Touch Myself

I genuinely enjoy sex and most all things sexual. I read about sex, I talk about sex, I spend long periods of time thinking about sex. I don't think I am the classic nymphomaniac, but surely I am not far from it.

I started masturbating the age of 11 after stumbling upon my father's pornography. I had no idea what I was doing, really... I just knew that if felt incredible. To this day, even when j is satisfying me sexually, I enjoy masturbating.

It is a great feeling to control My orgasm in a way that no man can. I don't care how well he may know my body, only I can bring myself right to the brink and back down again. Only I know precisely where to touch and just how to rub.

My best D/s thoughts and plans are crafted when I masturbate; when I allow my body to relax, my mind to wander, and my sexuality to flourish.

My Own Personal Peep Show

I am a bit of a night owl and find that one of the best ways to fall asleep after a busy day is an orgasm. j, on the other hand, often falls asleep earlier than I. No matter, of course, because I simply wake him and make him perform for Me. Sometimes I'll pull his head down between my legs, and other times I will have him stroke his cock for Me while I use a vibrator. he has this down to a science, and can put on quite the show, gyrating his hips, cradling his balls and pinching his nipples, even playing with his ass when I command him to. It's nice having my own personal peep show, whenever I want it. Oh, and in case you were wondering... no, I don't let him cum.

Back, At Last...

Some followers of my submissive hubby's blog, Serving My Mistress, have already begun to read the stories about when my online submissive came to spend a few days with us. This was the first time meeting him face to face, even though he and I had been chatting for nearly a year at that point. This is now a few months after the fact, and I think that j and I have taken a while to post just to let everything sink in. It was quite the visit!

During t's visit, j was thoughtful enough to write quite a few times, getting his thoughts and feelings down, as well as making note of everything that occurred. It ended up being very helpful as it was a whirlwind of emotions, fantasies and yummy D/s sensuality.

I had spent many a night watching t on webcam, and we had become so close as friends in addition to our D/s relationship that when I met him it was just like meeting an old friend. The initial hugs, however, quickly led to touching, and then kissing passionately. I think it freaked j out when he walked in on t and I kissing shortly after we arrived home from the airport. I made certain to talk to him about that, and honestly talked to him many times during the visit. I felt it was important to check in on him and make sure he was alright. I realize that as the Domme, the decisions about what activities would or would not occur were mine, however as a wife I did not want to do anything that might affect his psyche or our relationship in a negative manner.

Before visiting, t had expressed to me many times that he wanted to sleep next to me, and after chatting so many nights into the wee hours of the morning, I yearned to feel his body against mine. We all went to sleep fairly soon after he arrived as j and I both had to work the next day. I was wearing some silky black pants a top that was open in the front. I instructed the boys to strip before coming to bed with me.

The boys couldn't be more different if they tried! j is very confident, and never embarrassed by anything (much to my chagrin). t, on the other hand, is embarrassed all the time, and especially relishes when I humiliate him. As j openly stripped off his clothes and paraded around the room, t timidly undressed and quickly got under the covers. Most of my attention was initially focused on t. He was, after all, my new toy. He and I kissed passionately, my hands moving all over his body. He has tons of body hair, and I enjoyed hearing him scream as I grabbed handfuls of it and pulled as hard as I could. As we were making out, j began to rub my body. His massage slowly turned more sexual, and I began grinding against his hand as I kissed t. The moans I made while kissing t were due to j's actions... something about that seemed incredibly hot.

I had a very powerful orgasm that night, heightened by the fact that I was being serviced by TWO submissives! I slept lightly, waking up over and over throughout the night. Every time I opened my eyes, t was staring lovingly at me. I don't think he slept at all that first night.

This is the teaser post for what was a tremendously exciting visit, which went beyond any of my expectations and has filled me with mental replays for several months! More to come shortly (yes, really!)

Fantasizing - Part 2

* continued from previous post *

He kneels and looks up at me, in desperation. "Look at the floor, you are not worthy of watching me," I say, and before the words finish flowing from my mouth I lift my leg and push his head down with my foot. His head lowers until it is resting on the floor, near my shoe. "Lick it," I say, and immediately his tongue begins lapping my shoes. My toes are exposed in this particular pair of heels, and he licks closer and closer to them. I can tell he is eager and yearning to have my toes in his mouth. "Beg me, boy! Beg me for the privilege of sucking on my toes," I challenge him.

Immediately, out of enthusiasm I am sure, he looks up at me to beg. My hand draws back and I slap his face. I hear the gasps of those around us. "I did NOT tell you to look at me. I told you to beg!" He looks at my feet and begins begging in earnest, almost whining as he attempts to earn the honor of licking my feet. I beckon to j to come over and remove my shoes, and now I have two submissive men kneeling before me. As my admirer continues to beg and plea, I shove my toes into his mouth, mid-sentence. He begins licking and sucking passionately, as if he was dying of thirst and was just offered a glass of water.

I meet j's eyes and whisper, "Undress him." I know he does not want to do this, and that beyond that he is afraid of what might happen after my admirer is naked. Still, he follows my command, and as my admirer suckles my toes he is being stripped of his clothes. As his pants are removed, I see his erection. He is absolutely enormous, his hard cock nearly twice the size of j's. I am sure this makes j uncomfortable, which just adds to my excitement.

"Mistress, he is undressed, as you asked," j says meekly. I push my admirer away from my feet and stand up. I turn my back to him and push my pants down, slowly. I taunt not only j and my admirer, but the rest of the room as well, as they see me exposing more and more of myself. As I remove my pants from around my ankles, I call out my next command. "Both of you, lick my ass, now!"

Within seconds, I have two tongues on my ass, licking it. I feel the tongue of my love against my asshole, pushing against it and tickling it. I feel the tongue of my admirer as well, slightly beneath my asshole, They continue licking and I feel my pussy getting wet. I turn my body around so that I am leaning back against the stool and give my next order. "My pussy- lick it." I hear j gasp, the way that he always does when I give him the honor of tasting me, and then I feel them both there, tonguing and tasting me. My juices are flowing steadily now, and I have begun to moan.

The feeling of two tongues on me, lapping away, as a room full of people look on is too much for me, and I have a tremendous orgasm. My moans are almost animalistic in nature, coming from deep within me. My hips thrust up against their faces over and over again, as my body shakes in pleasure.

I feel my legs giving out beneath me, and I push them away. The pleasure is too intense and I can take no more. They are both on the floor now, looking bewildered. "You're coming with me! I'm not done with you yet," I say, as I quickly put my pants back on and head towards the door. I look over my shoulder and see j scampering to close his pants over his intense erection. My admirer is sitting on the floor, naked, looking bewildered. "Come on- get up! I want both of you tonight," I say, and he appears shocked but excited by my demand. Ahh, the fun to come!

Unexpected Post-Shower Fun

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Anorgasmic Ejaculation

Anorgasmic ejaculation... the name sounds pretty clinical, but even less clinical than the other name for it, ejaculatory anhedonia. Basically, anorgasmic ejaculation is ejaculating without any feelings of release or pleasure. This is something that I discovered when playing with j a few months ago. I love teasing him, taking him right to the brink of orgasm, then waiting for him to calm down a bit before doing it again. Occasionally, when I do this with him, he will ejaculate without orgasm.

The whole thing is rather anti-climactic (pardon the pun!), with the semen leaking out of his penis with very little force. While it generally is the same amount of semen as when he has an orgasm, it takes at least thirty seconds to slowly leak out. j maintains an erection even after the ejaculation, and is left drained but without release.

The first time this happened, I was quite unhappy with j. I had not given him permission for release, and felt angry that he could not control his body. After reading more about anorgasmic ejaculation, it has become a goal of mine. I enjoy watching him cum, but I feel that an orgasm should be a rare treat for him. Now I can have my cake and eat it too!

Which brings me to Sunday morning... j and I were snuggling in bed, enjoying each other's bodies. I instructed him to go get me some rope. I laid him on his back and wrapped the rope several times around his scrotum and penis, pulling it taut, and then several more times around his penis alone, tying it off at the top. I teased him quite a bit this way, slapping his balls- occasionally quite hard. I rubbed the head of his penis, and alternated between using a vibrator on myself and touching it to his cock. It seemed that each time I allowed him a bit of stimulation he made it to the brink of orgasm in just a few seconds. After playing for a while in this way (and having a couple great orgasms myself), he ejaculated without orgasm. It was rather erotic, watching the cum drain from his penis, yet his body felt no release.

A final note- when I allow j to have an orgasm, he almost immediately becomes less attentive to my needs. When he ejaculates without orgasm, he is even more attentive. It seems it is the ultimate tease and denial- so close that his biological functions took over, with no pleasure for him!

Third Time's the Charm

While for the most part our sex life is disaster-free, every once in a while something happens and leaves me feeling less than satisfied. This time it was actually rather humorous (at least after the fact), and once all problems were resolved was amazing.

I had purchased the Rimba, as well as the Electro Penis Strap to use on j. The first time I used it on him I was just excited to see what would happen. I dragged him in to the bedroom, had him put the Penis Strap on, and hooked him up to the Rimba. At this point I felt it was best to let him play with the controls and get accustomed to the feeling. He played for a while, but struggled with positioning the straps correctly. He was not maintaining an erection, and the strap kept sliding up. Realizing it was probably just a lack of foreplay, and giving him control of the device, I called the experiment off and told him we would play with it another night. (Strike one)

Sunday night I decided to try it again. This time I was going to be in charge of the controls. I instructed him to put the Penis Strap on, and began to turn up the controls. Almost immediately he began moaning, and I reached over to caress his thighs, brushing up against his balls. When I pulled my hand away, it felt funny. I looked down and there was blood on my hand. After turning off the device, I found that he had scraped his scrotum when he was putting the device on, and the pressure caused had him bleeding. After realizing he was fine and calming down, it was actually kind of funny. Unfortunately, it was not very conducive to maintaining an intimate night. But somehow I overcame those feelings, and had him licking my pussy, bringing me to a mind-blowing orgasm. It was the best one I have had in quite some time, with me screaming so loud that now, two days later, my throat is still a bit sore!

Last night I was determined we were going to make the Rimba work. After getting him the penis strap on him (and ensuring he was not bleeding this time : ) I began turning up the strength. Initially his moans were soft, but as I turned up the power higher his moans became greater and his entire body tensed. he reached back and grabbed on to the headboard of the bed, his hands grabbing so tightly that his knuckles were white. This went on for quite a while- I would turn up the Rimba until he was in pain, and then back it off just slightly to where it was bringing him strong, pleasurable sensations. Every few minutes I would back the intensity off, then heighten it again.

I had determined in advance that I would let him have an orgasm, but only if he could reach it completely hands-free. I was not sure if he was going to be able to do it. I decided to try and push up the intensity a bit, very slowly taking him beyond the threshold between pleasure and pain. Ever so slightly I turned the Rimba up. At this point the muscles in his legs were contracting and his moans were very loud. After a few minutes at this very high intensity his moans turned into screams, and he was finally met with the release he desired.

It was one of the most intense D/s moments we have ever had. The power and control I had in my hand with the Rimba was wonderfully exhilarating, and I loved watching his entire body affected by the sensations he was feelings. The Rimba will definitely be a regular plaything for us!

It's Shocking!

When j and I recently went over our list of D/s interests, one of the interests he expressed was electrical stimulation. he had mentioned it in the past, but we had never done anything about it. Being unfamiliar with e-stim, I took to the internet. Unlike some of the areas of D/s, there was not a whole lot out there about electrical stimulation, but what I did find intrigued me and I decided to add it to our D/s repertoire.

Today I received a packing containing (amongst other things) a Rimba electrical stimulation device. I decided I would use it on myself before using it on j. As much as possible I try and do this, since I think it is important for a Domme to be aware of the sensations she is producing/inflicting. The Rimba itself is very plain looking. It's pretty much just a black box with some knobs on it. It came with some clamps as well as electrode pads. In addition to the Rimba TENS unit, I had ordered some electrode conductive gel as well as a Dual Contact Electro Penis Strap (now doesn't that sound intimidating?!).

The directions that came with it not very helpful, but the Rimba website online had some pretty good information. I must admit I was pretty nervous, and I decided that for safety's sake I would try it on my leg first. I put two of the pads on my lower leg. Slowly I began to turn up the intensity. Initially I felt.... nothing. But as I got the intensity higher I felt a gentle tingling. As I turned the knob even higher, the sensation became stronger and went from tingling to a tapping sensation. Oddly, it does not feel that the sensation is coming from the skin but rather from deeper within the body. It is tough to describe! It does not feel in the least bit electrical. There is no shock sensation, or zapping, or anything like that.

Since the experiment on my leg went well, I decided to try it in a more intimate area. I really wasn't prepared for this! Had I known it was going to feel so good I probably would have gotten the electro dildo (which also sounds terrifying). I knew I couldn't put the pad on my clit as it is important for the pad to have complete contact or zapping sensations can occur, and I certainly do not want my clit to be zapped!! I put one pad on each side of my labia, touching the base of my clit at the bottom. I started the Rimba up, and at a much lower intensity than on my leg I could feel the pulsing sensations. It is so hard to describe how it feels, except to say that I immediately became very wet. I played with the settings on the Rimba unit, and the sensations changed significantly. At one point I went to turn it down and accidently turned it in the opposite direction. I nearly jumped off the bed!

After playing with the Rimba for a while, I was so aroused. It was slightly frustrating as the stimulation could take me right to the edge of an orgasm, but not quite there completely. Nonetheless, a few taps on my clit and I was over the edge, moaning and writhing on the bed.

I cannot wait to use the Rimba on j and watch his reaction to it. For anyone who has not yet tried electrical stimulation, it is definitely worth it!

Scent Of A Woman

Sometimes when I am teasing j I like to restrain him, put a blindfold on him and put earplugs in his ears. Cutting off some of his senses seems to intensify his other senses, specifically touch. When I first started doing this, my thoughts were to intensify the teasing I was giving him, taking him close to orgasm and then denying him. I have also toyed with hot and cold this way and get very strong reactions from him. Oddly enough, I had never considered appealing to his sense of smell, either when he was restrained like this or in normal, day to day life.

I have never been much of a perfume wearer. I put some on from time to time, when we go out for the evening or a special occasion, but not a day to day thing. But I am wondering if I should change that. The interesting thing about scent is that it lingers and affects all around it. I am not talking about bathing in perfume and reeking, but rather the soft scent that follows a woman wearing a particularly nice perfume. In this way, I could be touching j even when I was not in direct contact with him.

I wonder why I haven't thought of this sooner, since scents affect me strongly. I love pulling out our leather items and pressing them to my nose, deeply inhaling the scent that I associate both with looking sexy and our D/s love.

Steamy Dreams

I have always had very vivid dreams, and the past few nights my dreams have focused almost entirely on D/s activities. Most of my dreams have focused on things that j and I have done before, but I must admit there were a few surprises. I do not know how much dreams indicate real desires, but if that is the case, my subconscious is sending me a flurry of messages. Some of these dreams have focused on more of a small group experience... watching another Dominant woman with her sub, feeling aroused beyond belief just by watching their interchange. That particular dream was nothing short of heady, an almost intoxicating experience (if a dream could be described like that). I woke up on the edge of orgasm, and quickly closed my eyes, hoping my dream would still be there.

Another dream involved j, being naked and bound before me, his body quivering in anticipation. My fingers lightly traced across his body, and I smiled, enjoying the musculature of his back as he strained against his bonds. I spoke to him softly but firmly, telling him that he would be mine forever. I wore a strap-on cock, and pulled his head up by his hair, telling him to suck my cock. He sucked me as if he was starving and my cock was the last food on earth, and as he did, I pushed my hips forward so that the strap-on rubbed against my clit. Then (and remember, this is a dream here!), from out of nowhere he was attached to a fucking machine. His ass was being fucked as he sucked my cock. If he leaned forward, more of my cock went in his mouth. If he leaned backwards, more of the cock went in his ass. His rock hard erection showed me that he was enjoying himself as much as I was. I bucked against him, forcing more of the cock in him, until I came. j, on the other hand, was not allowed to cum, and his desire was so great that he was literally screaming from want.

These are but two examples of these intense dreams. I do not know where they are coming from, but they are welcome to stay as they are giving me plenty of ideas!

Bound for My Pleasure

I have been feeling turned on lately, and my preoccupation with my sexy sub has been running rampant. Since we have children, time for extended sexual play is almost exclusively late in the evening. Yesterday was no exception, however throughout the day I had managed to tease him for a few minutes here and there. He has been wearing my panties for quite some time now, and when he arrived home for an outing yesterday I had a pair of pantyhose waiting for him. He put them on under his jeans and commented later that they served as an excellent almost constant reminder of me.

As we retired to bed last night, my plans for an erotic evening came together. I instructed j to remove all of his clothing and lay down on the bed. As he did, I retrieved rope and scissors. I had him lay flat on his back with his legs together. I wrapped the rope several times around his ankles and then between his feet several times before tying it off. Then I took another length of rope and encircled his cock and balls several times, pulling it very tight. This rope I then attached to the rope between his ankles, pulling until his ankles were pulled up near his body and his cock and balls had a constant feeling of being tugged. Finally I had him put his wrists together on his belly and tied them up in a manner similar to his ankles. I tied his secured wrists to his ankles. Satisfied that he was not going anywhere, and enjoying both my beautiful bondage and his erection, I moved on.

I attached a clothespin to each nipple, taunting and teasing him as I did. Then I attached four clothespins to his scrotum, giving each a tug so that I could hear him moan. (As a side note, one of my favorite parts of tying up his nether regions is the extra sensitivity it brings. He was intensely aroused despite the pain.) I teased him for a few minutes, lightly stroking his cock and running my fingers over his body. At some point I took pity on him and removed the clothespins from his nipples, but the ones on his scrotum remained. I took several pictures of j like this, which he may share on his blog. He began to moan from the pain being caused by the clothespins, so I removed them as well, but not before giving each one a quick tug.

Seeing j like that was making me wet and incredibly aroused. I laid on the bed opposite him, so that he could watch me masturbate. It worked out well since I had a great view of my handiwork. I moaned and thrashed about on the bed and reached a nice orgasm. j seemed desperate for some attention on his cock, and since his hands were pulled down near his cock I told him he could stroke his cock but could only use one finger. I giggled as I watching him struggle to figure out which finger would provide the most intensity, finally settling on his pinkie finger. He rubbed it up and down on his cock as best he could (which was not very well, since he was tied tightly). Still, he was so aroused from watching me play with my pussy and climax and being tied up that it was not long before he asked if he could cum. I denied his request, but told him to continue rubbing his cock with his finger. After some time I decided to cut the ties between his cock and ankles and wrists and ankles. His genitals, wrists and ankles were all still securely and tightly bound, just not to each other.

j was desperate for an orgasm, but I wanted to know just how desperate he was. I instructed him to turn over onto his stomach, which was not an easy task considering his bonds, but after some flopping he succeeded. I told him that if he wanted to cum tonight, he would have to hump the bed to reach his orgasm. He expressed doubt that he could get off this way, but desire and arousal led him to try. It was one of the sexiest things I have ever seen: j, with his wrists secured and extended above him and his ankles secured as well, with his ass going up in the air over and over again as he desperately humped the bed. The show was too much for me, and it was not long before I was having another orgasm as I watched him. This provided even more fuel for his fire, since I moan loudly when I cum. He was humping the bed vigorously at this point and I heard him breathlessly ask if he could cum. Feeling that he had earned this one, I allowed him to cum all over the bed (and himself).

It was a very intense experience, and I continue to be impressed by the levels of desire and arousal j can reach.

Gone but Not Forgotten

It has been a long couple of weeks, and I apologize for not posting. j and I went on a family vacation, which was wonderful. I wish I could say that it afforded us more time for our D/s pleasures, but that was definitely not the case. We dedicated much of our time to our children and bonding as a family.

When we returned, j had a doctors appointment. It was supposed to be just a blood pressure check, but he saw a different doctor who wanted to examine him. He said that he sat there for a few minutes contemplating how he would respond if the doctor asked him to remove his pants (and therefore discovered him wearing panties). He decided that the best way to handle it was to approach it head-on. If the doctor saw and said anything, j was prepared to explain to him just why he was wearing my panties. Behavior like that makes me proud of him. It would have been easy to simply say that we ran out of clean underwear and he grabbed a pair of mine, or that he wore them by mistake. Fortunately for him, he was not asked to remove his pants. On a side note, j really hates going to see the doctor. When he goes, however, I experience a couple different emotions. I worry (because I love him dearly, and want him to be with me for many years to come). I also become a bit aroused. I like thinking about him, sitting on an examining table, completely vulnerable. I like knowing that it makes him feel uncomfortable. I have not shared these feelings with him (though obviously he will know now), and have always thought it a bit odd that I feel this way. Upon some reflection though, I think it is like imagining him with another Mistress. He is in a position where he is partially clothed, essentially forced to do whatever is asked of him, vulnerable and open.

During our time away, I felt that our level of intimacy was low, but j told me that he felt we had maintained a good level of intimacy, especially considering the circumstances. I think he is right. Thinking about our last couple of weeks, I have grabbed and pinched his nipples many times, smacked his ass quite a bit, enjoyed a shower with him as he washed my body and my hair, gotten a pedicure, slapped his balls many times, been brought to orgasm several times, watched him masturbate for me, and allowed him to make love to me. I think since our encounters have been limited and we have not had time to really spend an evening (or more than a few minutes even) alone, it makes me feel like our levels of Dominance and submission have waned. I am hoping to take care of that soon!

Mistress Loves Some CBT

As I have written before, it is often hard to find time for the sexual aspects of D/s with kids in the house. It is important to j and me to keep this part of our lives private from our children. While they do see j deferring to me to make decisions, doing my nails, etc, they view this as him admiring and loving me. I like to take advantage of the brief moments we have when the kids are otherwise occupied.

Over the past few days I have been introducing brief moments of CBT (cock and ball torture) whenever possible. It turns me on, and keeps j on his toes. If we are sitting on the couch, massaging my feet, I have jammed my heels into his balls. I love watching him squirm, trying to hold his legs together to protect himself. Whenever he does this, I order him to open his legs so I can have access to his cock and balls.

The other day I had a few moments alone in the bedroom with him. I ordered him to lock the door and pull down his pants. he stood before me and I began to attach clothespins to his scrotum. Periodically I would tug and pull on the clothespins as he squirmed. Once I had quite a few clothespins attached, I told him to look at himself and teased him, telling him that he looked like a peacock (he really did!). I slapped his balls several times, and he gasped in pain. Then I began to pull the clothespins off, one by one. I know from our experiences in the past that this is the most painful part for him. I became so aroused as I watched him squirm. Throughout this time he maintained at least a partial erection, and his moans clearly were more of pleasure than of pain.

While sometimes our moments of intimacy are few and far between, we make the most of them!

Erogenous Zones

It is funny how, over time, my senses change. My sense of taste has definitely changed over the years. Foods that I used to hate I now love (shrimp, onions, green peppers). I think that the sense of touch must also change over time.

I am sitting on the couch after a long day at work, getting my nightly foot massage. As usual, it feels great and relaxes me, but tonight I felt something new. As j rubbed along the sole of my right foot, I felt aroused. I am not talking relaxed and in the mood aroused...I am talking if he keeps doing this I might be the first woman to have an orgasm just by getting her foot rubbed aroused! I have never felt this sensation before, and I am loving it.

j decided to experiment and see if he can bring the sensation on by rubbing that area on my left foot. I feel it slightly there, but not nearly as strong. The sensation is the most intense when he initially touches the area. It almost makes me shiver, and I can feel myself getting wet from his touch.

While I have never experienced such a dramatic change in sensations, this is not completely new to me. My breasts, which were never very sensitive until a few years ago, are now incredibly sensitive. Also, I can reach orgasm very quickly now, whereas years ago it took me quite some time (30 minutes or so). It is not unusual now for me to have four or five orgasms in an evening. I know that j enjoys this, even though I like leaving him wishing for just one!