Setting the Scene

Sex between sh and I is far less about intercourse, and more about reinforcing my dominance and control over him in a sensual manner. Sometimes it culminates in intercourse, but often it does not. Even when I do not allow him to experience an orgasm, I always have several. Like our vanilla counterparts, we have two types of encounters: quickies, and delicious, extended versions! The quickies are great in a pinch, but when I have the time I try to plan a scene. Unfortunately, for me it is not as easy as simply grabbing a crop and going at it. I like to know in my mind exactly what I have in store for sh prior to beginning anything.

The build-up for me is important- I love spending hours mentally debating about what I may do to sh. I enjoy making him feel vulnerable, so I focus on that. Blindfolding is great because not only does the lack of sight enhance his other senses, but it also leaves him completely unaware of what I may be about to do.

When I have decided on what I have planned for him, I begin teasing him. I whisper to him that his ass is mine later (during dinner), or that I am going to punish him and leave him begging for me (while sitting in the car). I will casually grope his cock, telling him that it is mine. By the time I am ready for him, it is all he can do to contain himself!

Talk to Me!

Sh (submissive hubby) grew up in a Catholic household, where sex was never discussed, and masturbation was a sin. He tends to have a difficult time discussing sex, even with me, his Mistress. My household was different, more open and accepting. I can talk about sex until I am blue in the face. It is one of my favorite topics of conversation! Sh and I get along well, and rarely have conflicts, but when we do they usually involve communication (or rather, a lack of it). I am pleased that sh has been working on ways of communicating with me. I asked him to start a blog a while back, and he has been posting fairly regularly to it. I believe he feels more free to express himself through writing rather than verbally.

One of the most important things that I have learned in my time experimenting with D/s is that frequent communication is crucial. Needs change, desires change, limits change, so in a practical sense communication is important, but I believe there is more to it than that. After a scene with sh, as I am basking in the glow of the many orgasms I just had, I want to talk about my experience. It is something akin to getting off a roller coaster and reliving it with your friends - “Man, when we went upside down twice, that was awesome!” I want to discuss what I loved, and when appropriate, what I did not. I want to hear from him how he felt during the scene, as I can use this information when I’m deciding how to torture and tease him next time!

Ultimately, communication is never a bad thing, and I hope that sh continues to grow in his ability to share his thoughts with me.

Not Tonight, I've Got a Headache!

It's difficult maintaining a D/s relationship when you are married to your partner. Really, any high level of sexual intimacy is difficult to maintain over an extended period of time, but I think this is especially true for D/s. This is partly due to the amount of time involved in a good D/s session. In the vanilla world, a good sexual encounter involves a nice dinner, some wine, a little foreplay, and then intercourse. Ultimately, two hours, tops! But a good D/s session usually involves significantly more time and more planning. When life is quiet, and things are status quo, sh (submissive hubby) and I have plenty of time to focus on D/s, but when things get hectic and life gets crazy, it is often the first thing to be pushed aside.

While the feelings remain, and I know we both have the desire to continue to cultivate that aspect of our relationship, both time and energy levels make it difficult. I find it interesting, though, that during these times where our encounters are few and far between, I fantasize like crazy! The lack of intimacy leaves me thinking about great scenes from the past, and fantasizing about possible ones in the future. Anything can get my going- the gleam from the light hitting the tiny bit of his collar that shows above his shirt, watching him get out of the shower in the morning (naked and freshly shaved), feeling his fingers run through my hair as I work. The lack of intimacy is making all the little things so much more intense!

I know I can't hold out much longer- the desire to take him is strong, and I know that I need to reinforce my Dominance lest he become complacent in his responsibilities. Which brings me to my next post...planning a scene!