What do you do when your partner is unable to assume their D/s role? I'm finding myself contemplating this lately, as j is struggling with some issues in his life and basically cannot be submissive. It is in part because he doesn't have the time to fulfill his duties, and also because he is not emotionally available to give himself to me.
Things have been this way, to varying degrees, for a few months. The first couple months I was able to cope well- I was busy with things going on in my life, and the lack of a D/s connection between us wasn't obviously apparent. But lately it's been nagging at me, and I miss feeling the closeness that I only truly experience when he submits to me.
Part of it is neglect: my panties have not been hand-washed in quite some time, I haven't had a pedicure in ages, and it's even bubbling over into our sex life. Recently I asked him to rub me... I had an orgasm pretty quickly since it had been a long time since he had touched me, and when I reached over to stroke him, he was limp. I was troubled because that is extremely unusual for him.
It's tough- part of me wants to be angry at him and assert my Dominance, putting him back in his place. But at the same time I realize that he needs time to focus on his own needs, not mine.
I told him today that I am giving him this time. He didn't ask for it, but he needs it. He can't meet my needs until he takes care of himself, and right now he is a mess.
I can't fix things for him. If I could, I would. So I sit here wait, and hope that things will improve. And fantasize.
My wife hates when I am working late hours and don't have the time to give her the foot massages and pedicures that I usually give. We both miss this, though. And when I'm finally able to tend to her feet again, much work has to be done to get them back into the shape they were in.
ReplyDeleteLikewise, I miss being her sub when there are personal issues of her own that require taking a break. Over the years, these instances have become few and far between fortunately.
Hi:
ReplyDeletePeriods like this are very difficult for me. I have a tendency to feel very neglected and may even sulk or pout. I get through it by focusing on something else I enjoy and distract myself until our D/s relationship is back "on-line" again. Hope this helps.
I completely empathise with how you feel, as I'm going thru something similar myself at the moment.
ReplyDeleteMy sub is a mature student in his final year of a law degree - and just like you've described, I've given him the time away from me and his service to me, for him to be able to fulfil his needs and responsibilities towards his education. It's important to him and therefore to me that he get the degree he's worked so hard for.
But...and isn't there always a but? I miss him. I miss his attentiveness, his devotion and service to me and so on - just as you've described.
I've told him that I want him to be available and submissive to me one day in the week, and I hope this goes well for us [it's a new development].
So, what I'm really saying is: I feel ya sistah! :)
I wish you and your sub easy sailing through this rough sea, and calmer waters ahead!