I have started this post five different times, and keep deleting it. This morning the words are not flowing well, but at the same time I feel the need to post. Things between j and I are improving, and I can see that he is working hard to serve me (despite me telling him that I felt we should discontinue our D/s practices, at least for the time being).
I am enjoying his efforts, and I must admit it is nice to be able to sit back and take in his submission without being Dominant. When I am Dominant, at times I feel I have to be something akin to a mother to j. I tell him what I expect from him, and then I have to go around behind him checking to see if it is done (and done well). If it is not, I have to come up with an appropriate punishment, or "lecture" him.
For me, this is not working very well. Too often things are not done in a timely manner, or the way I expect, and I am left feeling let down. That decreases my feelings of Dominance, because if my commands are not followed, surely he is not submitting as he should (and maybe I'm not being as Dominant as I should be). I get off on him submitting to me. His submission drives me to be more and more Dominant (just as I would imagine my Dominance drives him to be more and more submissive).
In an ideal world, j would follow my direction without question and without fail. The "punishments" that I give would be administered simply as an exciting way to increase my Dominance over him. And, most importantly, if I told him to do something, I could rest assured that it would be done and done well. Now I know our world is far from ideal, and that many times life gets in the way, but our venture into D/s began as a result of his suggestion. I have encouraged this time away from D/s because I feel it will increase his appreciation for the way things were. I hope that as we return to our roles, we work harder to be Dominant and submissive out of sheer desire, not a sense of obligation or feeling it is the way things should be.
As my mother always said, "Be a labor great or small, do it well or not at all."
This is a great entry. my Wife and i are also in an LFA relationship, to be more exact we term it Mistress and slave. We have tried to make this work on and off again for 3 years and are currently 2 weeks into our latest attempt.
ReplyDeleteWhen i first read this entry, i immediately thought that You have to be dominant to feed his submission. After thinking about it further, three items really resonated with me.
The first is that he asked for You to do this, just as i asked my Wife. While i assume most D/s relationships are brought on by the man, they tend to also follow the fantasies of the sub. This is an obvious contradiction to the way it should work if it was a real power exchange.
The second is that You feel like it causes extra work for You and the underlying facet of this relationship is to treat our Owners as They rightly deserve thus there should be no associated burden.
The third and most powerful point was that You enjoy his submission. i fought for 3 years to try to get my Mistress to treat me like the slave i want to be when in reality, all that is required to make this a lifestyle is her acceptance of my servitude.
Its the cornerstone point so i will say it again, if a man is truly seeking to submit to his Wife, all that is required is for Her to accept his submission. If and when She provides what he calls dominance is up to Her as She is in charge. i think this is the fundamental point that most submissives fail to grasp. Any attempt to lead your Wife into a dominant state is topping from the bottom. That is not a lifestyle, it is a D/s role playing scene.
If a man sees himself as a slave to his Mistress, he will do what She desires at every step of the journey. The hardest burden for a slave to carry is submission without dominance. If he is truly a slave, he will carry this burden and ensure that he does nothing to lead his Mistress down a path centered towards his needs. his only need is to serve his Mistress.
Its a hard lesson to learn. i am slowly teaching it to myself on a daily basis however i love the fact that my Mistress has accepted my submission to her and i will serve Her forever.
BHP- I appreciate your thoughtful message. I feel that Dominance and submission is a truly symbiotic relationship. I benefit when j meets My needs, and j benefits by getting what he truly wants.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to respond to your comments as you wrote them. In response to your first comment, while j requested our D/s relationship, I must admit that I have always been Dominant. I just never expressed it sexually. Evolving to a D/s relationship was very easy for me. I would say that for us, while j does occasionally try to top from the bottom as far as his interests are concerned, I feel perfectly comfortable denying him what he wants, or pursuing something that I want that he may not be that interested in. It is the nature of the beast, and it truly works for us. j really does not like me spanking him, pinching his nipples or slapping his balls (all three are things I do regularly), but he DOES like that I get off on those things, and as such, he likes that I do them to him. I hope that makes sense!
Dominating j does sometimes cause extra work for Me. This is because I believe that because he desires this type of relationship he should work for it. It is not enough to be submissive in the bedroom (at least not for me). I require that he submit to me, whatever my needs may be. While I am generally quite generous and give j plenty of freedom to pursue his interests, it is clear that I control most (if not all) situations. What I find frustrating is when I expect something from j, I make my expectations known, and he doesn't live up to them. That is when I feel like I have to become a tyrant and demand that he perform better for me, and that is when it feels like work.
As you noted, I truly do enjoy j's submission to me. I am proud that he is my submissive, and most of all I love knowing that my sexual needs will be met whenever I command.
I can imagine that it is difficult for a submissive to fulfill his duties for a woman who is not Dominant, however it has been my experience that when a man truly submits and desires nothing more than to please his Mistress, she generally comes around quickly. Not that she HAS to, mind you, but rather it is the natural evolution for the relationship.
I am glad that your Mistress has accepted your submission. So many submissives are in the unfortunate position of having no one to accept their submission. I find that very sad.
Thanks again for your response, I quite enjoyed it!
~ Sensual Femdom
Thank you for the response, i reread it and realize that i sound like i am giving advice to your j. i was just talking through lessons i need to keep learning myself versus telling anyone else what they should do. Thanks again for the response, i enjoy your blog.
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