How I Became the Domme I Am

I fully recognized my sexual Dominance about 8 years ago at the age of 27. Although I have posted about this before, I will share the story again as I realize I have quite a few new readers. When my husband and I first met, our sex life was fantastic. We made love several times a day and made quite the sport out of sex... challenging each other to different positions or more and more times a day. But soon, as is often the case, the passion died down. We experienced long lulls where sex was nonexistent. We would embrace and cuddle, but rarely anything more. I became concerned because j would never initiate sex. The more I tried to talk to him about it, the bigger an issue it became until one night, in the heat of the moment, he said he needed me to take control.

Shortly thereafter, I dragged him to the bookstore, grabbed the raunchiest BDSM book I could find, opened to a page with a picture of a man, hogtied and bound with a ball gag in his mouth and said, “Is this what you want?” His eyes grew large and he told me no, that was not what he had in mind... he just wanted me to initiate and control the sex. Too late though- because it was what I wanted. I took to D/s like a duck to water... if only I had known it would be so easy! And within a very short period of time, j was so grateful for having this new Dominant authority in his life.

Even though I did not discover my sexual Dominance until 27, when I look back on my life there were many signs I was Dominant from the start. One of my strongest memories is of wrestling a teenage boyfriend. This was a regular activity for us... get together, hang out, play video games and then wrestle. He was bigger and stronger than me and could easily take me down but I didn’t play fair at all. I would scratch, pull hair, bite, slap... and become incredibly sexually exhilarated. When he would yelp in pain, I would giggle and feel a rush. When I finally had him pinned beneath me, my adrenaline and passion surged to a high.

I have other memories, such as telling my mother, “I am my own person, I am my own self, and I will NOT clean my room.” This, at five years old. I liked to take control of most situations, not through belligerence or brattiness but rather through sheer assertiveness.

I dated men who enjoyed pleasing women. They treated me very well and were sensitive to my needs. The men I chose to date were far more concerned about my satisfaction than their own, and in all honesty I expected this. I scoffed at friends who complained about their crappy relationships and wondered why they would settle for anything less than a good man. I held my boyfriends to the fire. I wasn’t a bitch, but I expected accountability.

I wasn’t willing to settle for being treated like anything less than a queen. Because I refused to settle for less, that is what I received... so it is no surprise that the transition to sexual Dominant was easy. It was just taking my control and applying it to yet another area of my life. I have never looked back!

My Own Personal Peep Show

I am a bit of a night owl and find that one of the best ways to fall asleep after a busy day is an orgasm. j, on the other hand, often falls asleep earlier than I. No matter, of course, because I simply wake him and make him perform for Me. Sometimes I'll pull his head down between my legs, and other times I will have him stroke his cock for Me while I use a vibrator. he has this down to a science, and can put on quite the show, gyrating his hips, cradling his balls and pinching his nipples, even playing with his ass when I command him to. It's nice having my own personal peep show, whenever I want it. Oh, and in case you were wondering... no, I don't let him cum.

Two Men In My Bed, Part 3

When I had fantasized about having two submissives together, many images ran through my mind, but none stronger than an image of t sucking on j's cock. t and I had talked about this at great length, and he had confessed to me that he felt this was the epitome of humiliation to him. Still, before his visit I was not sure I would have him go through with it. Above all else, I truly care for both men, and although my fantasy was strong, I wanted to be careful both men were comfortable.

As you may remember, we had put two queen mattresses together on the floor in the living room so we could all sleep comfortably together. The boys, now naked after a game of Strip Guitar Hero, awaited my next command. I told t to suck j's cock for Me. Without hesitation, he moved between j's outstretched legs, bent over and took j's cock in his mouth. Up and down he went, very slowly and passionately. he seemed to enjoy the experience, though I have no doubt what he truly relished was submitting to me so deeply that he would perform such an act.

t continued to suck on j, and j told me he was getting closer. he began thrusting his hips, yearning for more of t's mouth. I told t to swallow j's cum, half expecting that I would be slapping his face as he refused. Instead, he sucked harder and took everything j had to give. I had been furiously rubbing my pussy as t sucked, and was beyond orgasmic.

I immediately pulled t toward me, kissing him passionately, sticking my tongue deep into his mouth and tasting j's cum. I wanted him so badly then! My Domme rush still in full force, I ordered the boys to kiss. Their kiss was pathetic at best, almost like watching two teenagers with their first kiss. Still, it was hot that they would do even this for me.

I then ordered j to suck t's cock again. I must admit, j is the better performer in this arena, and he surprised me with his skill. Of course, I imagine he learned everything he knows from me. j sucked t for quite some time as I rubbed my wet pussy. I came at least twice, maybe more, as j's eyes remained on mine. I told j to stop, and that I wanted to make love to t.

I wanted to make the cuckold experience complete, so I ordered j to put a condom on t, and then I lowered myself down onto t's cock. At this point he had been erect most of the time for a few days, so I was rather surprised when he was not hard enough for insertion. I will chalk it up to performance anxiety, however I was rather pissed at the time. I wanted to ride him and I wanted it then! Still, I recognized that the days had taken each of us to places we had never been.

We enjoyed dinner and a silly movie, and I enjoyed being in t's arms as we watched the film. He held me close and lovingly played with my long hair, rubbed my back and my legs. When the movie was over, t and I slowly began making out again. His kisses were so sweet, so loving and passionate. I decided that as punishment for not being able to satisfy me earlier, t would be cuckolded. I rode j's cock with abandon in front of him, moaning and screaming out with the orgasm that t had not been able to give me. I wanted to make sure he saw what he was missing out on. t was incredibly aroused watching, and I pushed him onto his back. Again I had j put a condom on him and then pushed j aside as I placed my legs astride t and lowered myself onto him. I rode him hard and fast, just like I like it. I am fairly certain the neighbors heard me, I moaned so loudly!

After some time we both collapsed onto a pile on the beds, totally spent. I motioned for j to join us and the three of us lay together, intertwined. In that moment I felt more love, passion, desire, and Dominance than ever before.

Submissive Men Married to Vanilla Women

In my search for a submissive I have determined that a fair portion of my readers are submissive men in vanilla marriages. So it is no surprise that my most popular post is about ways a submissive man can share his feelings with his vanilla partner. After offering my thoughts and suggestions to some of these men, I decided that another post on the subject would be in order.

I can understand how these men must feel- they desperately want (and need) to submit, yet they do not have the opportunity. This problem is exacerbated by the fact that many men seem to grow into their submissiveness as they age. The feelings that, at a younger age, were just sexual desires, have grown to become almost an obsession.

It is such a conundrum - if you tell your wife you are submissive, she could ridicule you, think you are perverted or even question your morals. And most women, when approached, will not have a large enough knowledge base on the subject. Likely she will envision whips, chains and a Domme in a corsette and cut the discussion off before it begins.

What's a submissive boy to do? The internet opens up the opportunity to read and explore the world of D/s safely through pictures, stories and videos, however that is only moderately satisfying. ProDommes are a possibility, but some find the experience too artificial when an exchange of money is taking place.

First, accept that your feelings are perfectly normal, and that changing them would be difficult (if not impossible). I believe that for most people this would be akin to trying to change a homosexual to a heterosexual. Could it be done? Possibly, but only with much difficulty and never completely. You are who you are, and you cannot change what you desire. Your feelings, wants and needs are not wrong, bad, dirty or perverse. No one would think any less of a woman who wanted her husband to make the decisions and run the household while she catered to his needs. Why should a man who feels that way be treated any differently?

I believe that most women have a Dominant side, but over the years it has been stifled, a lot of the times due to societal expectations. Powerful women are considered bitchy, assertive women are considered demanding. Not to mention that it is nearly impossible to achieve the model of perfection that is thrust upon us by images in magazines, television shows and movies.

I have been working for some time on a program to help men empower their wives. Performing these actions will not guarantee that your wife will become Dominant, but will at least help her develop the traits that a Domme must have. I believe that, over time, most any woman can enjoy taking on the Dominant role.

The great thing about these tasks is that many of them place you in a more submissive role just by the mere act of performing them. You are doing these things to please your wife, to meet her needs, to satisfy her. She will grow to expect these things. Her friends will notice how attentive you are and will comment to her about it. She will become happier with you, and expect (and demand) more from you.

There needs to be moderation in all things, though, and surely your wife will wonder what in the world is happening if her former couch-potato, beer-guzzling husband all of the sudden starts mopping the floors, bringing her chocolates and opening doors for her. The changes you will make are gradual, and the changes she will make in return are gradual as well.

In many ways, you are simply spoiling your wife, but with a twist. You are doing things that will build her self-image, empower her, and cause her to realize that she will be happiest when you are submitting to her.

This isn’t meant to be a checklist whereby if you perform every action you will get the Domme of your dreams. Rather it is a list of suggestions that will help a woman realize how wonderful it feels to have a man submit to her.

• Hands off your penis. Yes, I realize this is asking a lot. But men masturbate way too often. The problem is that orgasms diminish your level of desire, and often your level of submission. Your orgasm (or lack thereof) should be her decision. You don’t need to announce this to her. Just do it!

• Make sure she knows how much you love, desire and appreciate her. Women work incredibly hard and men often take that for granted. Little notes, cards and emails will show her that you are thinking of her. Sure, some of these can be racy, but be sure to include some that focus on how much you love and appreciate the woman that she is.

• Implement rituals to help remind Her (and yourself) of your place. There is no need to bring these rituals to her attention- she may or may not notice, but they will serve to keep you in line. Examples include not taking a bite of dinner until she has started or standing and giving her a kiss when she returns home (or even, when she enters the room).

• Don’t smell like Chewbaca. Okay, I’m not sure if Chewbaca smells or not, but based on the massive amounts of hair all over his body, I imagine he must have a rank odor about him. Wear cologne or body spray (Axe is a good one). Better yet - accompany her to the store and ask her to smell different scents and decide which she would prefer. No woman wants to have a dirty, stinky man with sweat stains on his clothes.

• Give her gifts when she expects them. But more importantly, give her gifts when she doesn’t expect them. It feels great to know that someone is thinking about you and wanting to do something special for you, even when it isn’t a holiday. It doesn’t need to be Valentines Day for you to bring her chocolates, it doesn’t need to be Christmas to buy her a necklace she has been eyeing. It does not have to be a huge expense- she will be touched that you thought of her.

• Tell her that you know she works hard, and that you want to do your part more and take some of the work on yourself. Accept what she asks you to do and complete it well and without whining. Don’t put it off! Let her know she can rely on you to follow through on the things she asks of you.

This is part one of a longer list, but because I hate incredibly long blog posts, I’m going to split this one up. Feel free to share your comments either via the comment box or email me privately. I am happy to offer my thoughts and advice.

The Hunt for a Submissive

I have debated for a while about putting this on my blog, but feel it appropriate. I have been searching for a second submissive for a while. I am getting little more from CollarMe than boilerplate emails, 'hi, can I serve you' messages, and genital pics. I'm sure there are some great submissive men on CollarMe, but I have yet to find them. I have decided to take my search to the blog.

Readers of my blog know my D/s interests inside and out. And I think it is safe to say that the majority of my readers are submissive men. Here is what I am looking for, in list form just because I like lists. If at least 8 of the 10 items on the list below apply to you, I would like to hear from you (my email is in my profile).

1. Submissive man between the ages of 28 and 50
2. 5'8" or taller
3. Intelligent, can carry on a good conversation and write well
4. A great sense of humor
5. An interest in Female Domination that transcends kink
6. A desire to create a strong bond with a Dominant woman
7. Interested in regular contact via email/chat/phone with the possibility of meeting in the future
8. Able to discuss a variety of topics, with interests that extend beyond BDSM
9. D/s interests that are similar to mine (if you don't know, read the blog!)
10. Have to spell well or be able to use spell check (misspelled words are a pet peeve of mine)

I live in Virginia, though I am open to a long-distance relationship.

Sparking Desire in a Newbie

I recently had a conversation with an otherwise vanilla friend in which he shared that he and his girlfriend have not been intimate for months. After a bit of discussion, I suggested that he 'kink it up' a bit. We continued on the topic, and he asked what I do when I am in the mood and j is not showing any interest. I responded that I just take what I want. He was not previously privy to the details of my intimate life, and I could tell my response caught him off guard.

He started asking questions, and the more he asked (and seemed intrigued), the more I felt willing to share. I could tell that he was incredibly aroused by the conversation, and I must admit I was a bit turned on myself. It was as if I could see the gears turning in his head. This was mostly new to him. His only point of reference is what he has seen in some pornographic magazines and pop culture references.

He told me he had never felt a desire for anything like a Femdom relationship, but that the more I described it, the more he wanted it. He talked about how much it turned him on that a woman would be assertive and sexually free, that she would embrace her desires. He said (and I agree) that nothing is hotter than a powerful, confident woman.

None of this really surprised me, though. I think many, many men would prefer that their wife/girlfriend/partner take on a more dominant role, especially in the bedroom. It's not just about the great sex (although my worst D/s sex is FAR better than my best vanilla sex). It's more about the connection between man and woman... the man surrendering himself to her, and the woman accepting him and molding him to please her. The communication and awareness of each other that exists in a D/s relationship is beyond what I believe most unfamiliar with the lifestyle can imagine. And that, my dear readers, makes for a very happy couple.