When I Think About You, I Touch Myself

I genuinely enjoy sex and most all things sexual. I read about sex, I talk about sex, I spend long periods of time thinking about sex. I don't think I am the classic nymphomaniac, but surely I am not far from it.

I started masturbating the age of 11 after stumbling upon my father's pornography. I had no idea what I was doing, really... I just knew that if felt incredible. To this day, even when j is satisfying me sexually, I enjoy masturbating.

It is a great feeling to control My orgasm in a way that no man can. I don't care how well he may know my body, only I can bring myself right to the brink and back down again. Only I know precisely where to touch and just how to rub.

My best D/s thoughts and plans are crafted when I masturbate; when I allow my body to relax, my mind to wander, and my sexuality to flourish.

Cuckolding: A sub's Perspective

After receiving the comment on my blog, which I have addressed in "Cuckolding: A Domme's Perspective," I asked j to write his thoughts on the matter. These are his words:

i can imagine it can be difficult for someone who is not a submissive or has never been in a D/s relationship to truly understand and appreciate that kind of relationship. Additionally, it must be hard to understand why someone would want the person they love and cherish to be intimate with another person. i know Mistress and i have gone through these discussion in regards to other types or "factions" of BDSM. There are some types of D/s or BDSM that W/we simply do not get. i attribute this lack of appreciation to not having been in that type of relationship before or not having those kinds of feelings. When W/we first started in O/our D/s relationship, i remember reading that the members of the BDSM community were actually the most critical group of people of the lifestyle. Much more so than those outside. That every person has their turn-on and doesn't understand why somebody else has something else that triggers them. So i am going to attribute some of your concern to that.

Secondly, it is a broad generalization that intimate relationships with more than two people usually end up in disaster. This may be where you are coming from. Conversely, W/we feel that if a relationship has the essential elements needed to succeed, thrive, and grow, that anything is possible. One of the hallmarks of a D/s relationship is communication and trust. Though there are couples out there that have very strict Cuckold relationships where the man has zero control over anything, that is not O/our situation. There is constant communication, evaluation, and assessment before, during, and afterwards. Not just when W/we invite another person but in every aspect. Mistress controls the wheel. But without having a deep trust and love for Her, She wouldn't be able to have that control. And there must be trust that She has everyone's (cannot underline that word enough) best interest in mind.

Thirdly, i don't know if W/we have the standard cuckold relationship. i think W/we fall somewhere between cuckold, whitol, and swinger. As you have read, She controls the actions but W/we are both involved in the interactions. W/we share this experience together. And that is what makes it special.

Lastly, the real question: What do i get out of it? i receive incredible fulfillment from the knowledge that the person i love is having Her fantasies realized and that i can provide that for Her. Nothing turns me on more than seeing Mistress turned on. i am not forced into this. i am not a slave. i am submitting to Her desires and in turn being fulfilled by Her sexual and emotional exploration with other people.

i hope this clarifies O/our situation a little. Thanks for reading and special thanks for your input.

Cuckolding: A Domme's Perspective

When you write a blog, you open yourself up to comments and thoughts from others. By and large, the comments I receive are supportive and appreciative. On occasion I receive a comment that is critical. I received this comment today and felt it would make a good blog post.

The comment reads: “Sounds like that is it for your marriage unless hubby can stand your obvious desire for other men. Ask yourself this: Do you have any interest in j sexually other than as an object of your pleasure? If not, you should let him know and see how he feels. It looks to me you are confusing dominance with sexual boredom, because your guy can't "man up" in the bedroom.

Sorry if this seems harsh, but cuckoldry is playing with fire, and you might want to ask yourself (assuming you actually care for j) what he is getting out of it.

And yes, I've read the other two posts on this topic.

Clarence”

My response: I appreciate your comment and realize it was placed after thought and out of concern for My marriage. I can assure you that cuckolding was not something either one of us entered into lightly. We had discussed the issue quite a bit at different times, and came to the conclusion it was the path for us. Read: US. Not for Me, not for him, but for Us together as a couple. j is my husband first, my submissive second. Feel free to ask him if he sees this as a problem, if he feels like he cannot satisfy me, if he prefers that things be different. I can assure you that is not the case. he has told me this, and he has written this on his own blog, Serving My Mistress.

j is not by any means a groveling on the floor type of submissive. That’s just not who he is. He can and DOES speak his mind, especially when something is bothering him. Can he satisfy me? Sure! Do I enjoy being able to tease him and taunt him, letting him know that another man is doing it for me? Absolutely! j’s ONLY deficiencies in the bedroom are that he is small (which has never been an issue for me) and that he cannot last a long time (something we have remedied quite well with numbing cream). Aside from that, he is a phenomenal lover, whether the sex is traditional, vanilla sex or full-blown, out and out raunchy D/s sex.

You are right when you say that cuckolding is a dangerous path. I agree, wholeheartedly. Then again, that could be said about many different aspects of Dominance and submission. But ultimately, the path we are taking is one we chose to take, together. I respect j’s limits, but more than that, I am cognizant of his feelings. I have never been the type of Domme that goes through life without a care in the world about the feelings of her submissive. Rather, I want him to be happy.

My blog includes time away, sometimes months at a time when D/s was not working for us for whatever reason. During these times, we generally have a more vanilla relationship, at least in the sexual sense. And who is it who comes back begging for more D/s? He does. After my submissive came and visited us for a few days, j was immediately trying to figure out how we could travel and spend more time together.

After reading his comment, I asked j to write his thoughts on the matter. I will be posting them now, as Cuckolding: A sub's Perspective.

How I Became the Domme I Am

I fully recognized my sexual Dominance about 8 years ago at the age of 27. Although I have posted about this before, I will share the story again as I realize I have quite a few new readers. When my husband and I first met, our sex life was fantastic. We made love several times a day and made quite the sport out of sex... challenging each other to different positions or more and more times a day. But soon, as is often the case, the passion died down. We experienced long lulls where sex was nonexistent. We would embrace and cuddle, but rarely anything more. I became concerned because j would never initiate sex. The more I tried to talk to him about it, the bigger an issue it became until one night, in the heat of the moment, he said he needed me to take control.

Shortly thereafter, I dragged him to the bookstore, grabbed the raunchiest BDSM book I could find, opened to a page with a picture of a man, hogtied and bound with a ball gag in his mouth and said, “Is this what you want?” His eyes grew large and he told me no, that was not what he had in mind... he just wanted me to initiate and control the sex. Too late though- because it was what I wanted. I took to D/s like a duck to water... if only I had known it would be so easy! And within a very short period of time, j was so grateful for having this new Dominant authority in his life.

Even though I did not discover my sexual Dominance until 27, when I look back on my life there were many signs I was Dominant from the start. One of my strongest memories is of wrestling a teenage boyfriend. This was a regular activity for us... get together, hang out, play video games and then wrestle. He was bigger and stronger than me and could easily take me down but I didn’t play fair at all. I would scratch, pull hair, bite, slap... and become incredibly sexually exhilarated. When he would yelp in pain, I would giggle and feel a rush. When I finally had him pinned beneath me, my adrenaline and passion surged to a high.

I have other memories, such as telling my mother, “I am my own person, I am my own self, and I will NOT clean my room.” This, at five years old. I liked to take control of most situations, not through belligerence or brattiness but rather through sheer assertiveness.

I dated men who enjoyed pleasing women. They treated me very well and were sensitive to my needs. The men I chose to date were far more concerned about my satisfaction than their own, and in all honesty I expected this. I scoffed at friends who complained about their crappy relationships and wondered why they would settle for anything less than a good man. I held my boyfriends to the fire. I wasn’t a bitch, but I expected accountability.

I wasn’t willing to settle for being treated like anything less than a queen. Because I refused to settle for less, that is what I received... so it is no surprise that the transition to sexual Dominant was easy. It was just taking my control and applying it to yet another area of my life. I have never looked back!

My Own Personal Peep Show

I am a bit of a night owl and find that one of the best ways to fall asleep after a busy day is an orgasm. j, on the other hand, often falls asleep earlier than I. No matter, of course, because I simply wake him and make him perform for Me. Sometimes I'll pull his head down between my legs, and other times I will have him stroke his cock for Me while I use a vibrator. he has this down to a science, and can put on quite the show, gyrating his hips, cradling his balls and pinching his nipples, even playing with his ass when I command him to. It's nice having my own personal peep show, whenever I want it. Oh, and in case you were wondering... no, I don't let him cum.

Two Men In My Bed, Part 3

When I had fantasized about having two submissives together, many images ran through my mind, but none stronger than an image of t sucking on j's cock. t and I had talked about this at great length, and he had confessed to me that he felt this was the epitome of humiliation to him. Still, before his visit I was not sure I would have him go through with it. Above all else, I truly care for both men, and although my fantasy was strong, I wanted to be careful both men were comfortable.

As you may remember, we had put two queen mattresses together on the floor in the living room so we could all sleep comfortably together. The boys, now naked after a game of Strip Guitar Hero, awaited my next command. I told t to suck j's cock for Me. Without hesitation, he moved between j's outstretched legs, bent over and took j's cock in his mouth. Up and down he went, very slowly and passionately. he seemed to enjoy the experience, though I have no doubt what he truly relished was submitting to me so deeply that he would perform such an act.

t continued to suck on j, and j told me he was getting closer. he began thrusting his hips, yearning for more of t's mouth. I told t to swallow j's cum, half expecting that I would be slapping his face as he refused. Instead, he sucked harder and took everything j had to give. I had been furiously rubbing my pussy as t sucked, and was beyond orgasmic.

I immediately pulled t toward me, kissing him passionately, sticking my tongue deep into his mouth and tasting j's cum. I wanted him so badly then! My Domme rush still in full force, I ordered the boys to kiss. Their kiss was pathetic at best, almost like watching two teenagers with their first kiss. Still, it was hot that they would do even this for me.

I then ordered j to suck t's cock again. I must admit, j is the better performer in this arena, and he surprised me with his skill. Of course, I imagine he learned everything he knows from me. j sucked t for quite some time as I rubbed my wet pussy. I came at least twice, maybe more, as j's eyes remained on mine. I told j to stop, and that I wanted to make love to t.

I wanted to make the cuckold experience complete, so I ordered j to put a condom on t, and then I lowered myself down onto t's cock. At this point he had been erect most of the time for a few days, so I was rather surprised when he was not hard enough for insertion. I will chalk it up to performance anxiety, however I was rather pissed at the time. I wanted to ride him and I wanted it then! Still, I recognized that the days had taken each of us to places we had never been.

We enjoyed dinner and a silly movie, and I enjoyed being in t's arms as we watched the film. He held me close and lovingly played with my long hair, rubbed my back and my legs. When the movie was over, t and I slowly began making out again. His kisses were so sweet, so loving and passionate. I decided that as punishment for not being able to satisfy me earlier, t would be cuckolded. I rode j's cock with abandon in front of him, moaning and screaming out with the orgasm that t had not been able to give me. I wanted to make sure he saw what he was missing out on. t was incredibly aroused watching, and I pushed him onto his back. Again I had j put a condom on him and then pushed j aside as I placed my legs astride t and lowered myself onto him. I rode him hard and fast, just like I like it. I am fairly certain the neighbors heard me, I moaned so loudly!

After some time we both collapsed onto a pile on the beds, totally spent. I motioned for j to join us and the three of us lay together, intertwined. In that moment I felt more love, passion, desire, and Dominance than ever before.

Submissive Men Married to Vanilla Women

In my search for a submissive I have determined that a fair portion of my readers are submissive men in vanilla marriages. So it is no surprise that my most popular post is about ways a submissive man can share his feelings with his vanilla partner. After offering my thoughts and suggestions to some of these men, I decided that another post on the subject would be in order.

I can understand how these men must feel- they desperately want (and need) to submit, yet they do not have the opportunity. This problem is exacerbated by the fact that many men seem to grow into their submissiveness as they age. The feelings that, at a younger age, were just sexual desires, have grown to become almost an obsession.

It is such a conundrum - if you tell your wife you are submissive, she could ridicule you, think you are perverted or even question your morals. And most women, when approached, will not have a large enough knowledge base on the subject. Likely she will envision whips, chains and a Domme in a corsette and cut the discussion off before it begins.

What's a submissive boy to do? The internet opens up the opportunity to read and explore the world of D/s safely through pictures, stories and videos, however that is only moderately satisfying. ProDommes are a possibility, but some find the experience too artificial when an exchange of money is taking place.

First, accept that your feelings are perfectly normal, and that changing them would be difficult (if not impossible). I believe that for most people this would be akin to trying to change a homosexual to a heterosexual. Could it be done? Possibly, but only with much difficulty and never completely. You are who you are, and you cannot change what you desire. Your feelings, wants and needs are not wrong, bad, dirty or perverse. No one would think any less of a woman who wanted her husband to make the decisions and run the household while she catered to his needs. Why should a man who feels that way be treated any differently?

I believe that most women have a Dominant side, but over the years it has been stifled, a lot of the times due to societal expectations. Powerful women are considered bitchy, assertive women are considered demanding. Not to mention that it is nearly impossible to achieve the model of perfection that is thrust upon us by images in magazines, television shows and movies.

I have been working for some time on a program to help men empower their wives. Performing these actions will not guarantee that your wife will become Dominant, but will at least help her develop the traits that a Domme must have. I believe that, over time, most any woman can enjoy taking on the Dominant role.

The great thing about these tasks is that many of them place you in a more submissive role just by the mere act of performing them. You are doing these things to please your wife, to meet her needs, to satisfy her. She will grow to expect these things. Her friends will notice how attentive you are and will comment to her about it. She will become happier with you, and expect (and demand) more from you.

There needs to be moderation in all things, though, and surely your wife will wonder what in the world is happening if her former couch-potato, beer-guzzling husband all of the sudden starts mopping the floors, bringing her chocolates and opening doors for her. The changes you will make are gradual, and the changes she will make in return are gradual as well.

In many ways, you are simply spoiling your wife, but with a twist. You are doing things that will build her self-image, empower her, and cause her to realize that she will be happiest when you are submitting to her.

This isn’t meant to be a checklist whereby if you perform every action you will get the Domme of your dreams. Rather it is a list of suggestions that will help a woman realize how wonderful it feels to have a man submit to her.

• Hands off your penis. Yes, I realize this is asking a lot. But men masturbate way too often. The problem is that orgasms diminish your level of desire, and often your level of submission. Your orgasm (or lack thereof) should be her decision. You don’t need to announce this to her. Just do it!

• Make sure she knows how much you love, desire and appreciate her. Women work incredibly hard and men often take that for granted. Little notes, cards and emails will show her that you are thinking of her. Sure, some of these can be racy, but be sure to include some that focus on how much you love and appreciate the woman that she is.

• Implement rituals to help remind Her (and yourself) of your place. There is no need to bring these rituals to her attention- she may or may not notice, but they will serve to keep you in line. Examples include not taking a bite of dinner until she has started or standing and giving her a kiss when she returns home (or even, when she enters the room).

• Don’t smell like Chewbaca. Okay, I’m not sure if Chewbaca smells or not, but based on the massive amounts of hair all over his body, I imagine he must have a rank odor about him. Wear cologne or body spray (Axe is a good one). Better yet - accompany her to the store and ask her to smell different scents and decide which she would prefer. No woman wants to have a dirty, stinky man with sweat stains on his clothes.

• Give her gifts when she expects them. But more importantly, give her gifts when she doesn’t expect them. It feels great to know that someone is thinking about you and wanting to do something special for you, even when it isn’t a holiday. It doesn’t need to be Valentines Day for you to bring her chocolates, it doesn’t need to be Christmas to buy her a necklace she has been eyeing. It does not have to be a huge expense- she will be touched that you thought of her.

• Tell her that you know she works hard, and that you want to do your part more and take some of the work on yourself. Accept what she asks you to do and complete it well and without whining. Don’t put it off! Let her know she can rely on you to follow through on the things she asks of you.

This is part one of a longer list, but because I hate incredibly long blog posts, I’m going to split this one up. Feel free to share your comments either via the comment box or email me privately. I am happy to offer my thoughts and advice.