j and I frequently remark about people we encounter who seem to have very Dominant or submissive personalities. It was something we really never noticed until we started delving into the lifestyle ourselves, but ever since it seems that some people stick out like sore thumbs. I was wondering today, would an outsider guess our 'secret?'
If a stranger were to meet us separately, the answer would be a resounding no! Aside from the fact that my clothes are mostly black, and I am usually wearing heels of some sort, there would be very little clue. I tend to be a little introverted when dealing with strangers. I am observant, and I like to read people. I do not think I come across as an overly Dominant woman....until people get to know me! People who know me well see that side of me that likes to be in control of every situation, and whose eyes flash with anger when I am crossed.
As for j, he is the opposite. His personality is affable and light, warm and personable. He is the life of the party, and I swear he has never met a stranger that he did not like! And truly, that is the way he is with both new friends and old. He does not give off even a hint of subservience. He is a natural leader!
But when we are together... the interplay between my Dominance and his submission is quite obvious. For two people who are 'in the closet' so to speak, we do not hide the nature of our relationship. He refers to me as his queen, his beauty, he waits on me hand and foot. He rubs my back, opens the car door for me, and submits to me in any way I desire. He asks me before he spends money, and when making any decisions, he tells others that he has to ask 'the boss' first. I expect these acts of obedience from him. When he slacks off (and he does from time to time), I am right there, reinforcing my Dominance over him. A new development...if he does something wrong, he comes to me and asks me to slap his face. It started out as a joke, but has become a meaningful, if brief, punishment for his errors. It is more about the act than any pain, as I am careful to never smack him too hard....okay, mostly. ;)
It is an interesting dichotomy: apart, few would suspect my Dominance or j's submission, but together some degree of the nature of our relationship is apparent. I know my control and dominance makes j the loving submissive that he is, and he makes me the Dominant queen that I am!
Even seeing us together, only one of my wife's friends guessed the nature of our relationship and even then she only got part of it.
ReplyDeleteApart you wouldn't really notice it, we are both introverted and seem to be a little straight-laced. Together I don't make any secret of how happily I'll take care of her needs, even when we're at some event together. But the most her friends thought was that I was a little pussywhipped and my wife was lazy... until it came out last week while they were at their weekly coffee! So now they know and some of them were pretty genuinely surprised (and apologized to her for thinking she was so mean).
So in my experience, strangers don't really pick up on the cues even if you're fairly obvious about it. The one friend who figured that I was a submissive is one who I would guess is somewhat dominant herself. I think unless you're in the lifestyle the cues are easy to miss!
My wife and I like to guess who might and who might not be, our favorite is watching episodes of shows like Wife Swap and seeing the "house husbands" and wondering just how into the lifestyle they are.
Being on my own for the week, I obviously and filling the void with extra play time at the gym, at the movies... and yes reading the blogs!
ReplyDeleteD and I having met W and j, I will attest to the above. While openminded and warm, you can feel her watching and reading as she gets to know you. J is such the perfect gentleman. He puts me to shame. They are wonderful to see together. Of course D and I had the insight to their D/s relationship, but to anyone else, I think they saw a man that loves his wife and would sacrifice anything for her. Isn't that the ideal for any partnership, D/s or not?
Hersforever, I'm not much for reality tv shows, but that's funny. The thought actually did cross my mind before, submissive swapping! Knowing some home improvemnet jobs I've done, I once had a neighbor ask me if I ever hung drywall. I said 'no, but I'm always eager to learn on someone else's house first'. I expect men can learn a lot by helping do each other's domestic chores on occasion. ;-)
-a
The relationship between my wife and me, and our external characteristics are pretty much the same as "hersforever" described.
ReplyDeleteOur family, and her friends may have an idea that I am more than just a nice guy, but nobody voiced it so far. We relax a bit when we are with only my wife's friends, and they are probably certain that she is in charge.