I think sometimes people confuse being Dominant with being Domineering. There is a big difference between the two. As a Dominant woman, I am assertive and powerful. I am not afraid to express my needs, and I expect that my submissive will be willing to put me first and foremost in his life. On the other hand, I always, always consider the needs of my sub. I keep his best interests in mind, and my actions reflect that.
People who are domineering bully others into getting their way. They scream, fuss, bark orders, throw fits, and push people around. In general, they are angry people. They don't consider the needs of those around them, but rather focus on their own needs wholeheartedly.
When I ask j to do something, I expect that he will do it, and he rarely disappoints me. I don't need to scream my orders, or whine about them. Rather, I simply tell him what I need from him. I am willing to occasionally make sacrifices for j, and I do that without regret. I laugh a lot- I enjoy life! And at the end of the night, I wrap my arms around my naked sub and feel blessed. And that is that this lifestyle is all about!
Thank you for posting this. It dispels many misconceptions and captures the very essence of what female domination should be all about.
ReplyDeleteWow i never thought about the difference. Good post.
ReplyDeleteExcellent post-as always, thought-provoking and insightful! : )
ReplyDelete-D
laughter is the key to a long-lasting relationship - of any kind
ReplyDeleteAlso, if you build on a relationship with someone as you seem to have with "j", it isn't necessary to be domineering. He will do your bidding to stay with you, as deep down this is what he really wants
My wife holds the leadership position. I would not call her dominant or domineering. Her requests often come with cordiality. We both understand these are expected to be followed without question and with enthusiasm by me, but none the less, she keeps polite approaches as apart of our conversation. She wants this to ensure the "bitch" label never gets applied to her. She has never been that way, and does not feel this change in our relationship dynamic need force her into becoming something she does not want to become. I totally agree with her. This WLM dynamic should be exactly how she wants it to be. As such, she may ask me, "would you please see if you have some free time to do BLANK today?" I understand this is an explicit request expected to be followed without question. I am glad she found what she wants in this respect and imposes her wish on how things work. It is a form of her leadership I enjoy.
ReplyDeleteI wholeheartedly agree with your posting. Thank you for describing the difference so eloquently.
ReplyDeleteMay I also add that being the dominant one can be a nice, gentle and polite person.
A domineering person would be more likely to loose their manners akin to the bullying behaviour you describe.
I am so glad to have come across this posting. I've tried often to express the difference to people who are not in the lifestyle. Recently a friend said she felt sorry for my slave - obviously not understanding that she's really feeling sorry for him having a woman in his life who understands his need as much as he understands hers.
ReplyDeletedbmistress
Sweet Lady,
ReplyDeleteYou are right on! I was going to comment here, but I felt that I needed more detail. If you are interested, please see my posting of November 15, 2009.