I do not feel that I ask a lot of j. In fact, I feel I am very generous and also very sensitive of his feelings. I do have a few things that I require. I want him to write in his blog at least once a week. I also want him to make dinner for me once a week (something real, not Betty Crocker or take-out!). Finally, as part of his recent punishment, he is required to hand-wash my panties. Frankly, I ask very little of him. his performance, however, is seriously lacking lately.
he is barely blogging. he rarely posts anything unless I fuss at him about it. he has yet to make a single homemade dinner for me since I asked him to do that over a month ago. Also, he has been washing my panties, but doing a terrible job, since I can still smell myself on them. When confronted about it, he came up with excuses.
Additionally, his family came down this past week, which is always stressful. They are great people, but they are very difficult to be around for any length of time. j did do a nice job of keeping the house clean, and I truly do appreciate that.
I am tired of feeling that my needs are last on his list. he can spend hours playing games, watching movies, talking on the phone with his friends, etc. but cannot find ten minutes to blog? cannot clean my panties to my satisfaction? cannot make me a nice dinner?
I am starting to feel (and sound) like a neglected wife, and I hate that. I know that I can force him to do all of these things. I know I can command him to drop everything he is doing and go post in his blog. I know I can force him to watch my panties for hours on end. But damnit... why should I always have to follow him around and make these demands? Shouldn't it be enough that he knows that I want him to do these things, and I ask him once and he does them?
ugh. submission isn't about willingness to be forced, it's about eagerness to be submissive. it sounds as if he may need you to threaten to stop allowing him to pretend to be your sub if he doesn't get his shit together.
ReplyDeleteI would agree with the comment regarding submission being about willingness rather than being forced, playing tit for tat (you do me and I'll do for you), or when it's convenient. I would recommend you put your foot down and let him know that this isn't a game. Your rules/desires/wishes are to be obeyed/fulfilled and if he's not willing to do as asked, then maybe it would be better to go back to standard fare vanilla. Firstly though I would think about punishments and I don't mean physical ones. I mean restriction of activities, writing assignments, no perks, etc. While it can be difficult in the beginning of a D/s relationship to establish and become comfortable with boundaries, needs, etc., we have to be able to communicate and make an effort. I think too many see it as a game of sorts...perhaps not "as a game" per se, but take on the attitude of "when it suits me" or "this isn't the way it should be, I'm not playing anymore"...whatever excuses they have. Thinking of that nature is selfish and ego-centric and can lead to the disintegration of a D/s relationship.
ReplyDeleteI do know that it can come as a big f-ing surprise for some men when they start "playing at being submissive" and realize there is a HELL of alot we women do. And OMG, it's so much work. Or I don't like it. Or, or, or. Get over yourself. So often it's the male requesting his partner to engage in a D/s relationship and here he is being a pissy spoiled brat (or related) and then leaves her holding the bag (in a sense) because he can't step up to the plate. And we women, being the flexible and understanding creatures that we are, start taking back our chores, our time, etc. and in time, it's back to the same old, same old.
Beat his sorry ass silly and have him kneel on rice for an hour or so. Beat his ass again and then have him sit his sore ass on some nice, really rough sandpaper. With his feet up so all his weight is on his ass. Then he can sleep on the floor, sans blanket and pillow, denied your attention and then chained to a desk in order to write "I will obey my Mistress" 500x. Just for starters *grin*
It can be damn frustrating. Yes indeed. But it's YOUR decision what comes next, not his. And don't forget that!!!
peace out and rock on!!
EE