The Role of Women in Society, Now and In the Future

Throughout the years, women have been the caretakers of the family. They have birthed children, cared for them and molded them into young men and women. They have cared for the house, cleaning and cooking, laboring to meet the needs of others. They have submitted to the needs and desires of their husbands, both sexually and otherwise, as their own needs have gone overlooked.

But things are changing. No longer are women under the thumb of the man they are with. No longer are they restricted in the pursuit of their careers. No longer are they expected to drop everything at the whim of the man they are with. While society still has a ways to go in viewing and treating women with the respect and dignity they deserve, we are moving in the right direction.

Considering how far we, as a society, have come in the past hundred years, I wonder where we might be a hundred years from now. Will my female descendants oversee their husbands, much as I do mine? Will that be the norm? What about a hundred years from then? Will the present societies be gradually shifting towards matriarchal dominance?

While I would be content for women to achieve true equality, my desire would be that women realize their true power and do not settle for just being equal.

Birthday Challenge Results

The birthday challenge is officially over. j had five orgasms in 24 hours, which I believe is a first for him (though I think we came close when we were first dating). By the fifth, he had very little ejaculate left. he is now totally drained, both testicularly and physically. I was happy to have given him this gift of pleasure, but now play time is over! Back to MY pleasure!!

A Birthday Challenge

This is j's birthday weekend, and as part of birthday tradition I have allowed him to have sex with me in any way of his choosing for twenty-four hours. It seems like a fair trade to me- 364 days for me, one for him. Initially he had chosen for me to use numbing cream on him and ride him for as long as I pleased. He has altered his choice, however, and I am quite pleased with it. He has chosen to have me bring him to orgasm as many times as possible in a twenty-four hour period.

My best guess would be six orgasms, but honestly I have no idea how many he is capable of! I am already planning some chastity to begin after his birthday, lest he think that my spoiling him will continue.

I hope that twenty, thirty, even forty years from now we will still celebrate his birthday with such enthusiasm!

If One Sub Is Good...

There have been times that I have contemplated what it would be like to have another submissive, in addition to j. At first, it was something that I fantasized about. If one submissive was good, two would be even better, right? But over time, it became a serious consideration. I got to know one submissive a couple of years ago. I found him delightful, as our D/s interests meshed well. I did fear the impact that it would have on my relationship with j, and despite j's reassurance that he was fine with it, I ended things with him.

My blog has been increasing in popularity, and as the hits have increased I have begun being propositioned for all sorts of 'encounters'. Truthfully, I would never be interested in being a ProDomme, only because I highly value the emotional interchange that occurs in D/s relationships and imagine that would be very sparse (if not non-existent) during a one-time session. On the other hand, I really adore submissive men. They intrigue me, and I enjoy interacting with them.

While I am not considering a physical relationship with another man at this point, I do like the idea of getting to know another submissive, and developing the interplay - that is, if I find a submissive whose needs match mine. From there, I don't know where things might lead.

I have discussed this with j, and he has encouraged me. I don't think that j is into cuckoldry, but rather he longs for me to be pleased to the greatest extent possible. And for right now, that pleasure involves getting to know another submissive man, whoever he might be.

Ultimately this whole desire probably stems from wanting to develop a closeness to others who understand the way that I feel and think. Those who won't consider my behavior 'bitchy' or bossy, but rather assertive and Dominant. Nonetheless, it shall be interesting to see what, if anything, develops.

On an unrelated side note, j and I have begun work on the podcast. Hopefully our first episode will be ready soon.

Stripping Away the Whips and Chains

When people who are not part of the lifestyle envision a Dominant woman, they see a woman in black leather, boots, holding a whip and carrying a stern expression. They think Dominant women are manhaters, who are willing to abuse anything that has testicles attached to it. I think if more people were willing to look beyond the stereotypical whips and chains and consider the basis of the relationship they would see that it is one of the most perfect examples of a relationship centered on love and trust.

Consider most vanilla relationships: When hubby does something that upsets the wife, she bitches and whines about it. She behaves helplessly, expecting him to correct his behavior in order to shut her up. Sometimes this happens, but often it does not. Either way it creates resentment on both sides. The wife resents the husband because in order to get him to behave she has to whine and fuss. The husband resents the wife because he is a pawn in a game, trying to avoid or appease the unhappy wife. Neither spouse feels good about the other or the marriage.

Sadly, this dysfunctional behavior goes on for many years, at least until one party decides that enough is enough and moves on (usually to a new relationship that is just as dysfunctional as the first).

Why is it that women do not simply take control, and tell the men they are with their expectations? I posit that it is because women, even in today’s society, are viewed as the weaker sex. Even though most women now work outside the home (not to mention care for the children and the house) they are still not willing to stand up for themselves or their needs. They cater to the needs of their husbands and put their own feelings aside.

If more women were willing to simply follow the premise of a D/s relationship, sharing their wants and expectations and allowing their husbands to meet their needs, there would be far fewer unhappy couples. D/s is not about the spankings, handcuffs, or play; those are secondary. Primarily D/s is about allowing your partner to meet your needs and graciously accepting their love and devotion. Is that really such a difficult thing?

Looking for New D/s Friends

Several months ago, while surfing Craigslist, I came across an ad from a Femdom couple who were looking to meet another Femdom couple. I was very excited, as they were located relatively close to us and enjoyed similar activities (both hobbies/likes as well as kinks). After emailing back and forth a few times, we chatted online. Shortly thereafter we met in person, for dinner and drinks. The meeting was a lot of fun, and once we all were comfortable with each other the conversation became quite revealing. It was so nice to be able to relax and be ourselves around others, especially knowing that they shared our desire for a female-led relationship.

We have continued getting to know them better over the past few months, but sadly they are struggling quite a bit in their relationship and lives and have decided to put aside their D/s interests until things settle down for them. While we are certainly still friends with them, I am sad that the sole couple that we are completely open with has put their common bond with us on hiatus. Which puts me on my current quest- to find another couple who shares our Femdom interests and lifestyle.

Before I met our friends I did not realize the value of bonding with a couple who shares similar passions. Now that their paths have diverged from ours, I am missing the familiarity and comradery.

Passionate Loving, In Small Amounts

Our weekend was fairly busy. We took our children on a hike in the woods, and were met with a torrential downpour, soaking us by the time we made it to the car. Still, it was a nice trip- and I am certain the rain will make it memorable for many years to come. We had some errands to run, and things around the house to be taken care of. Still, we made time for D/s in bits and pieces here and there.

I went into our bedroom to work on my blog, and j sweetly followed me in. I have found that as he has become even more submissive he does not want to be away from my presence. Since he was with me, I instructed him to strip and lay beside me in bed. While I typed away on a blog entry, I had him stroke his cock. I paid him very little mind, but made sure that I took my time writing my post. As he stroked, I would occasionally lean over and run my finger over the tip of his cock so that it was covered in pre-cum. Each time I would then put my finger in his mouth and he would suck it off. j is very turned off by the idea of eating his cum, but I love teasing him by making him eat his pre-cum. It is yet another sign of the control I have over him.

It had been nearly a week since j was allowed release, and I was feeling incredibly aroused myself. I climbed on top of his cock and began riding him. I must admit, it felt spectacular! I had not allowed him to enter me for probably a month, and while I had achieved many orgasms in the interim, I had not had the feeling of his member in me.

As I have posted about before, j can climax very, very easily (and usually pretty quickly). Within a minute or so of me riding him (vigorously, I might add!) he was close. I pulled myself up, so that just the very tip of him remained inside of me. After a bit, I began again. I knew he would not be able to hold off much longer, and after his hard work this week I decided to reward him by allowing him to cum inside of me. It was no doubt something he cherished, as he thrashed around on the bed and grabbed me to hold me closer.

I was still quite aroused afterwards, and placed his hand on my wetness. he began rubbing me, playing with my clit, and making me even wetter. I delayed my orgasm for as long as I could- I wanted him to work for it! Finally, I allowed the feelings to culminate into a powerful climax.

Later on in the weekend I gave j the privilege of licking my womanhood. he devoured me like a hungry animal, licking away vigorously, and becoming drunk from my juices. he seemed quite honored to have been given that privilege.

Even though neither one of these encounters was a blatant representation of our D/s relationship (or our kink), they were both very fulfilling. And despite not having ample time alone, we made the most of the time we had. j's devotion to me, and the exhilaration that he shows when allowed to touch me, heightens my sexuality.

I hope he enjoyed our lovemaking, as I have other plans for him this week which I'm sure will not be nearly as pleasurable!

On Romance

Ask fifty different people to define romance and you will surely get fifty different answers. Merriam-Webster defines the verb romance as "to try to influence or curry favor with especially by lavishing personal attention, gifts, or flattery". I'm not sure how much I like that definition, since I feel that romance should be used to express love, and not to try to influence someone's behavior.

This morning, j posted on his blog Serving My Mistress about romance (or the lack thereof) in our relationship. he is correct that I expect more from him in this area.

The truth is, I know j loves me deeply and passionately. I know our love transcends Dominance and submission. I don't need j to behave in a romantic manner in order to prove his love for me. But I expect that he will occasionally demonstrate his love in the form of a surprise date, thoughtful note or a small gift - without me explicitly asking him to do these things.

Don't get me wrong- j spoils me in many ways. he is always rubbing my back, running his fingers through my hair, and helping me in any way I request. I wish he would realize that romance need not be contrived or laborious. Simple expressions of love would go far!

Chastity- Device or Not?

I own j's orgasms. They were a gift, given to me for my birthday several years ago. Definitely not your traditional birthday gift, but as I opened the jewelry box which contained the keys to a CB-3000 I was elated. While I had owned his orgasms since we entered into a D/s relationship, now I could know with complete certainty that he would not receive pleasure unless I granted it to him.

For a while I relied on his CB device to ensure that he was not pleasuring himself. But over time, as I grew into my Dominance and he submitted to me more, I realized that the CB device was not necessary. j knows he cannot touch himself without permission, and he does not want to disappoint me. I trust wholeheartedly that he would not disobey me. But that is not to say that we have put the CB-3000 away!

I still use the CB-3000 with j as a punishment or a reminder of his submissiveness when he gets a little cocky (pardon the pun!). I enjoy locking him into the device, partly because it increases his desperation. he does not enjoy being locked up and finds it to be a bit uncomfortable, all the more reason to use it as a punishment.

I view chastity devices the same way I view using handcuffs, or rope. Sure, I could place j in the position that I want him in and order him not to move. But the handcuffs/rope are a more intense reminder- and he looks sexy as hell in them! And it is nice to know that, were j to ever consider disobeying, he would not have the option.

Leaving My Mark On him

At the height of a powerful orgasm, it is not unusual for me to bite or scratch j. I am rarely aware that I am doing it until his yelps of pain bring me back from a screaming and moaning high to reality. Since delving into D/s and exploring the infliction of a bit of pain to heighten sexuality, I have noticed I feel more free during sex. Instead of being careful and restraining myself a bit when I climax, I freely allow my body to respond naturally and embrace the passion that I am feeling.

Scratching and biting during sex seems rather primal, something that animals do as part of their mating ritual. It is a female subconsciously (or consciously) marking her territory, her lust and passion leaving a physical reminder on her man. The Kama Sutra considers scratching during sex an art form, and views the marks left as 'souvenirs' of intense passion.

I enjoy seeing the marks I leave on j. They remind me of the power and control I have over his body. Just as his collar is a representation of his submission to me, so too are the marks I have inflicted.

Introducing Female Domination to the Vanilla Partner

Over the past few days I have been looking at quite a few Femdom blogs and websites. There are many themes that seem to repeat themselves over and over- the ebb and flow of D/s relationships, chastity, punishments... but something that came up surprisingly often was submissive men who were trying to introduce D/s to their wife and make their marriage a Female led one.

In our marriage, the transition came about rather smoothly. Actually, j confessing that he wanted me to take control came as a relief to me. I had struggled for a long time feeling like he was not interested in me sexually since he would never initiate sex. I have always been open-minded, and embraced the idea of a Female-led marriage wholeheartedly.

If approached in the right way, I think most women would be receptive to a Female-led marriage (or relationship). If approached, the wrong way, both parties could feel alienated and it can bring about a huge rift in the relationship. For instance, in our vanilla days had my husband said to me, "Sweetheart- I want you to tie me up, spank me and then do me with a strap-on!" I would have been appalled. Even though that sounds like an exciting evening now- at that point in my life the idea would have been seemed far too much for me to take.

So what IS the right way to approach a woman about your needs? I think there is a nice, gentle progression and if followed correctly I believe most women would be receptive to this type of relationship.

• Take some responsibilities off your wife's shoulders. Do the laundry, make dinner, pick up after yourself so that she doesn't have to, do the dishes. When your wife notices and asks why you are doing these things, do NOT say, "Because I want to be your little French maid, taking care of all your needs." DO say, "Because I love you and see how much you do for me. I want you to have time to relax and enjoy yourself.

• Now that you have taken more responsibility around the house, start doing thoughtful, caring things for your wife. Bring her a glass of wine in the evening, get her small gifts (a rose, a copy of a new book from her favorite author), get her a card and write in it how much you love her. When she asks why you are giving her so much attention, do NOT say , "I am giving you lots of attention because I want to do everything for you. I want to be your pet, your footstool, your chauffer, your pedicurist." DO say, "I care about you and want to make you happy. I love nothing more than seeing you smile."

By doing these first few things for a period of time (a month or so), you have given your wife a sense of Dominance. She has learned to expect you to meet some of her needs, and she is surely appreciating all of the extra help you are giving her.

• Begin focussing on her needs in the bedroom. Massage her, rub her back, play with her hair, and give her plenty of physical affection. When you are intimate, focus only on her orgasm. Allow her to lay back and relax as you lick her body and taste her. Enjoy her and luxuriate in the woman that she is. If she wants to make love to you and you get to have an orgasm, great. If not, hold her and rub her back as she drifts off to sleep. She will likely ask why you are not worried about your own orgasm. Do NOT say, "You are my Goddess and for you I will lock my cock up for the next year and never touch it again." DO say, "I love your body so much and you deserve all the pleasure that I can give you. My needs are secondary to yours."

By now she likely has some idea the direction that you are going with things, and quite frankly- at this point you ARE in a Female-led marriage (even if you haven't yet discussed it).

• Now is the time to sit down and share your feelings with your wife. Tell her how much you have enjoyed meeting some of her needs, and that you wish you had done those things for her all along. Explain to her how much you love her, and tell her that you want to serve her. Explain to her what you want, but not in D/s terms. Do NOT use the words D/s, BDSM, Dominance, Mistress, whip, beating, etc. Do tell her that you want her to have the control in the marriage, and that if you fail to meet her needs you want her to hold you accountable.

The basic idea is that a marriage cannot go from vanilla one day to D/s the next, even in the best of circumstances. Springing your list of personal kinks on your wife is going to get you nothing, and frankly is not behavior that is appropriate of any submissive. Allowing your relationship to progress slowly towards a FemDom marriage is the best bet.

The statements that I have come up with to share with your wife/partner are not meant to be used word for word, as it is important for you to speak from your heart. The point I am trying to make is that introducing your wife into the D/s world should be a gentle, loving expression of your submission to Her and desire to meet Her needs, not an expectation that she will instantly embrace your kink.

A Little CBT Fun

Last night I decided to have some CBT fun. It had been a while since I had been able to tease and torture j's cock and balls. I had told j to stroke his cock several times during the day at work, but not have an orgasm. I knew that this would greatly heighten his desire and sensitivity.

When we got in bed, I began kissing him, rubbing my body up against him. Within moments he was hard, and I smacked his balls with some force. he jumped, but then went back to moaning as I stroked his cock a bit. I alternated between smacking his balls and stroking him, and then went to our toy cabinet and retrieved a handful of clothespins, his cock ring and my rubber whip. I had him put his cock ring on (which was quite a feat, considering his cock and balls were already quite engorged.

Once his cock ring was on, I swatted his cock, balls and thighs several times with the rubber whip. The whip looks quite menacing, but produces a mild to moderate sting. That sensation, though, is most definitely heightened on his swollen and sensitive cock and balls! he squirmed about on the bed, moaning from the sensations I was giving him.

Again I stroked his cock and rubbed his balls. his cock felt harder than ever before. I told him that I wanted to allow him some pleasure as a reward for his hard work lately, but that I needed to give him some more pain first. I took the clothespins and put them on his scrotum. After I put them on, I wiggled them around a bit, pulling them and moving them about. I swatted him several more times with the rubber whip, and then began to stroke his cock. he was desperate for an orgasm, and I graciously allowed him one. his cum shot all over my hand and his stomach.

While I enjoy extended periods of orgasmic denial for j from time to time, I also like giving him orgasms. I like having the complete control of his body- making him earn the orgasm by pleasing me. When he finally earns it, I make sure he enjoys it, but only on my terms!

Video of Anorgasmic Ejaculation

j has been ordered several times over the past few weeks to masturbate for me while he is at work, bringing his body close to the point of orgasm. I enjoy knowing that he is stroking himself, thinking about my body and submitting to me. I also like that it keeps him very aroused and ready to submit, eager to try and earn my touch.

Recently I posted about anorgasmic ejaculation, where the male is brought to the point of orgasm and ejaculates but does not have an orgasm. For the most part, his erection remains, and his level of desire is heightened even more. There is no feeling of release, but rather a feeling of increased frustration.

j has been sending me videos to prove that he is following my direction. I do not require this of him, but he enjoys making them for me, and I enjoy watching him obey me from afar. Today's video is an example of anorgasmic ejaculation. At the end of the video, you will hear him whisper, "That's two." It was his second time completing that task for me today. What a good boy he is!

he May Be Little, but I Love him

I regrouped after I posted my message yesterday, and today I am feeling much better. I am happy to say that I woke up this morning feeling recharged, happy, and most importantly- Dominant! (insert sexy growl here!!) I spent some time catching up on all the great blogs I follow. Reading them always fills me with ideas of things to try with j.

A few days ago I was writing about our evening the night before, retelling how I used a double-ended dildo in both j and myself. It was a particularly intense night for both of us, and when recounting it I forgot something that was quite significant. During the height of passion I had teased j quite intensely about how the double-ended dildo gave me a nice, long cock to fill myself with, rather than his little one. While j has never been much for humiliation, my teasing and taunting him really sent us both over the edge.

j came home to join me for lunch today, and I sent him back to work with a little assignment. He is to masturbate almost to the point of orgasm three times this afternoon. That should leave his balls aching by the time he gets home. I have a little cock and ball torture planned for tonight, and will be taking pictures to post for all to see. Maybe the weekend was a bust, but Monday night is shaping up to be terrific!

Bummer Weekend

Our weekend has not gone as planned, and I am feeling pretty disappointed. I had hoped for a weekend of playing, lots of sex and just some much-needed D/s time. Unfortunately, my body did not cooperate. My period started, leaving me feeling not at all sexual. Right now I'm feeling pretty miserable.

After realizing my needs and plans for the weekend were not going to be met, I went into salvage mode and started catering to j's needs. he had been mentioning recently that he wanted to watch more movies (something I am not usually in the mood to do), so we went out and rented a couple of movies. They were actually pretty enjoyable, but I couldn't help but think this is not what I wanted, not how I planned things.

I tried, up until this morning, to salvage things as much as possible. j remained in his collar and my panties, and he gave me a foot massage and pedicure, both of which were very nice. I know he felt disappointed by the weekend as well.

This morning I fell apart, crying and telling j that the weekend had been a waste. It had- but not just because there was no sex. Just as there is a subspace, I think there is a 'Dommespace' too. I am there most of the time- I truly enjoy controlling j, having him submit to my needs and desires, taking him and using him sexually. But every now and then I come plummeting out of 'Dommespace,' and that is where I am right now. Sitting in bed, feeling sad and sorry for myself, and wishing j would realize that sometimes I just need to be held and have someone tell me they understand how I am feeling.

Weekend Plans

I am looking forward to an exciting weekend with j! My daughter will be spending the weekend with my sister, which means we will be unrestricted in our D/s activities for 48 hours! (Those of you with small children will understand my enthusiasm)

Tonight will be dinner out, and while I was hoping to get together with our D/s friends, it doesn't look like that is going to happen. So it will be just us, which is probably better anyway. There is a lot going on in our lives, and our time alone is so limited that I really do cherish it.

This weekend will be about j meeting my needs. he will spend the weekend clad only in my panties, his collar and anklets. During this time he will give me a much-needed pedicure, clean the house, and of course serve me sexually. I am sure there will be no lack of things to post about!

I decided last night that, since I had allowed j the privilege of orgasm the night before, I needed to heighten his level of arousal. After we retired to the bedroom, I instructed him to stroke his cock. he did this for quite some time, while I did some work on the computer. For the most part I ignored him, glancing at him occasionally and listening to his ragged breathing. At one point I told him to stroke it faster, and he did- his hand going up and down his cock with furious speed. Once I was confident that he was sufficiently aroused, we went to sleep. (While I enjoy keeping j aroused by masturbation on a regular basis, I must give credit to subservient husband for mentioning this in one of his comments. his Wife requires this of him on a daily basis- something that would have j climbing the walls, begging for release for sure!)

Time for a nice, long bath. It will give me time to consider all that I have planned for j!

An Intense Evening

j has been spending a lot of time at work lately, and conversely I have a couple of weeks off. Due to his extended time at work, I have cut him some slack in his household responsibilities and have been doing many of them myself. But, as men tend to do, j has taken advantage of this situation a bit! I knew a punishment for j was in order.

Yesterday I spent quite a bit of time reading Femdom blogs, and was feeling very aroused. I texted j at work telling him that I wanted him to masturbate until he was right at the point of climax, and then stop. A bit later I received an email from him, with a video of him masturbating at work. It was very hot- and I got wet listening to his breathing and light moans as he stroked his cock, and then watching him stop- unsatisfied.

The evening was fairly uneventful, and I was considering just going to sleep. As I climbed in to bed, I thought about why I was so tired: I had spent a good part of the day doing his chores around the house. The anger began to build in me and I knew I had to punish him immediately. he was laying on his back, naked, and I climbed on top of him, straddling him. I kissed him several times, rubbing my pussy against his cock. After my juices were flowing, I got off of him and instructed him to get on his hands and knees on the bed.

I went to our toy cabinet and retrieved my crop, as well as my double-ended dildo and some lube. I asked j if he had been attentive to my needs and he admitted that he had not. I began slapping his ass with the crop- harder than I usually do. Within seconds his ass was glowing red. I continued to beat his ass, feeling my wetness increase as his ass reddened. While j has learned to tolerate a fair amount of pain, several slaps had him gasping.

When I was done punishing him, I told him to lay down on his back. I got between his legs and began fingering his ass, rubbing his prostate with my finger. I asked him how he felt, and he said he felt like my puppet, completely in my control. It was a good answer! As I continued rubbing his prostate, his cock began to leak a bit. I took my finger and rubbed the fluid over the head of his cock, causing him to moan loudly. We hadn't had a lot of anal play recently, so I contemplated not using the dildo on him, but decided that he would just have to deal with it! With a bit of effort, his ass accepted the double-ended dildo, and I began pumping it in and out of him.

I inserted the other end of it into my now very wet pussy, thrusting my hips and pushing our bodies together. He held tight to my legs, and my thrusts pushed the dildo farther into both his ass and my pussy. It didn't take long for me to have a very loud, intense orgasm. j was moving his body about, trying to get some sensation from his cock, and I grabbed the part of the dildo that was between our bodies. With my hand on it, I had greater control, and I used it to fuck him hard (as I continued to fuck myself with it). After another orgasm, I was took the dildo out of my pussy, but left it in his ass. I continued to fuck him with it, harder still, his moans exciting and encouraging me.

j began to beg me to let him cum. his begging turns me on quite a bit, but is something he usually does not do unless I tell him to. At this point he was so desperate that I think he got over his distaste of begging! His entire body began to shake, and I decided to tease him even more. As I continued to pound his ass with the dildo, I stroked his cock- I would stroke it for about two seconds and then stop for a bit, then start again for a couple seconds, continuing this pattern until I was sure he could not take much more. I decided to let him cum- not for his pleasure but for mine. I enjoy watching him cum, especially after anal play since it is so powerful and copious. he came with great force, thrusting his entire body and spasming and moaning in pleasure.

After we both came down for our orgasmic and D/s highs, we spent some time in bed holding each other and talking. Even after his great orgasm he remained aroused, as did I. he promised me he would be more attentive, and I believe he will, as I am sure he is not looking forward to another cropping!

For those of you wanting a male perspective of this night, my sub posted his report of our evening on his blog, Serving My Mistress.

Prostate Stimulation & Milking

In our early D/s days, I wanted j to learn to appreciate and crave anal stimulation. I purchased him a prostate stimulator, namely the Aneros. The idea behind the Aneros is that the man can stimulate his prostate himself, by inserting the Aneros and rhythmically contracting the pelvic muscles. The contractions force the Aneros to apply pressure directly on the prostate. The device itself is relatively small, about the size of a finger and once inserted it stays in place.

I have milked j with the Aneros and also with my finger(s). Both are equally effective. At one point I had j in his chastity device for an extended period of time as a punishment for masturbation. Milking him drained him of his seminal fluid while not giving him (much) pleasure. This is important to do with some regularity during extended periods of chastity to maintain prostate health. While prostate stimulation is often used to make a man dry without giving him the pleasure of an orgasm, it can also be used to intensify the orgasm.

Prostate stimulation and milking is a big turn-on of mine. I love pushing j's button, literally, and watching as he tries in desperation to stimulate his cock in some way. Most times when I milk him, I have him tied up or at least cuffed, so he is completely vulnerable. he often bucks his hips up and down repeatedly, trying to get his cock to tap against his abdomen and give him some sort of sensation.

The Aneros is something we revisit from time to time, and I am always thrilled with the results!

Proper Training of Men, Submissive or Not

A lot of my 'vanilla' friends ask me why it is that j treats me so well, and how they can find a man who will treat them that way. Even though few of them know the nature of our relationship, I tell them that it is important to train your man so that he knows how to meet your needs. I believe that most men truly want to please their lover, but they simply do not know how.

Even though j is very attentive, I have needed to train him in many areas. The first time he gave me a pedicure it was a mess! There was fingernail polish all over my toes and he hurt me several times in the process. Did I give up on the idea of him doing my nails? Nope! I instructed him to look online and read up on how to give a proper pedicure. I also asked him to go out and purchase the necessary implements. The next time he gave me a pedicure, it was much better! Now, he can do it as well as any professional. So, Women of the world, do not give up on your men! Take the time to teach them how to please you and you will reap the rewards!

Anorgasmic Ejaculation

Anorgasmic ejaculation... the name sounds pretty clinical, but even less clinical than the other name for it, ejaculatory anhedonia. Basically, anorgasmic ejaculation is ejaculating without any feelings of release or pleasure. This is something that I discovered when playing with j a few months ago. I love teasing him, taking him right to the brink of orgasm, then waiting for him to calm down a bit before doing it again. Occasionally, when I do this with him, he will ejaculate without orgasm.

The whole thing is rather anti-climactic (pardon the pun!), with the semen leaking out of his penis with very little force. While it generally is the same amount of semen as when he has an orgasm, it takes at least thirty seconds to slowly leak out. j maintains an erection even after the ejaculation, and is left drained but without release.

The first time this happened, I was quite unhappy with j. I had not given him permission for release, and felt angry that he could not control his body. After reading more about anorgasmic ejaculation, it has become a goal of mine. I enjoy watching him cum, but I feel that an orgasm should be a rare treat for him. Now I can have my cake and eat it too!

Which brings me to Sunday morning... j and I were snuggling in bed, enjoying each other's bodies. I instructed him to go get me some rope. I laid him on his back and wrapped the rope several times around his scrotum and penis, pulling it taut, and then several more times around his penis alone, tying it off at the top. I teased him quite a bit this way, slapping his balls- occasionally quite hard. I rubbed the head of his penis, and alternated between using a vibrator on myself and touching it to his cock. It seemed that each time I allowed him a bit of stimulation he made it to the brink of orgasm in just a few seconds. After playing for a while in this way (and having a couple great orgasms myself), he ejaculated without orgasm. It was rather erotic, watching the cum drain from his penis, yet his body felt no release.

A final note- when I allow j to have an orgasm, he almost immediately becomes less attentive to my needs. When he ejaculates without orgasm, he is even more attentive. It seems it is the ultimate tease and denial- so close that his biological functions took over, with no pleasure for him!

Silky and Sexy

Ever since one of j's transgressions several months ago, he has been wearing my panties each day. Initially this punishment was to last a month, but I decided that I like it so much, it is here to stay. he also washes my panties by hand, usually a few times a week. Initially he was rather slack about this, but now has become quite the little panty-washer! I may never go back to using the washing machine for my delicates again!

During the time our daughter was away at camp, j came home each day, removed all of his clothes (except for his panties), and put on his training collar. It pleased me that he did this without any prompting from me. his anklets arrived early this week, and the combination of anklets, panties and a collar was almost too much for me to take. I could barely keep my hands off of him.

We had played around with forced feminization in the past, but it seemed like it did not do much for either one of us. The idea has become more appealing to me recently, and I credit at least some of that with our friends Domina and anthony. Reading their ventures into feminization really piqued my interest. This is yet another area where we are learning and growing deeper in our Dominance and submission.

I keep the house rather cool, and j told me he was feeling cold and asked if he could put on a shirt. I told him I would get him something. I laughed to myself as I went down the hall to our bedroom. I was going to get him something to wear, but he wasn't going to like it! I found a silky gold pajama top and handed it to him. To my surprise, j happily put it on, and looked really good in it. The combination of the collar, anklets and silky top and panties was just.... hot! I was surprised the next night when he asked if he could wear it again. Of course I allowed it.

It's nice that we are both learning and becoming even more comfortable in our roles. There is nothing better than exploring desires and sexuality with a loving partner.

Third Time's the Charm

While for the most part our sex life is disaster-free, every once in a while something happens and leaves me feeling less than satisfied. This time it was actually rather humorous (at least after the fact), and once all problems were resolved was amazing.

I had purchased the Rimba, as well as the Electro Penis Strap to use on j. The first time I used it on him I was just excited to see what would happen. I dragged him in to the bedroom, had him put the Penis Strap on, and hooked him up to the Rimba. At this point I felt it was best to let him play with the controls and get accustomed to the feeling. He played for a while, but struggled with positioning the straps correctly. He was not maintaining an erection, and the strap kept sliding up. Realizing it was probably just a lack of foreplay, and giving him control of the device, I called the experiment off and told him we would play with it another night. (Strike one)

Sunday night I decided to try it again. This time I was going to be in charge of the controls. I instructed him to put the Penis Strap on, and began to turn up the controls. Almost immediately he began moaning, and I reached over to caress his thighs, brushing up against his balls. When I pulled my hand away, it felt funny. I looked down and there was blood on my hand. After turning off the device, I found that he had scraped his scrotum when he was putting the device on, and the pressure caused had him bleeding. After realizing he was fine and calming down, it was actually kind of funny. Unfortunately, it was not very conducive to maintaining an intimate night. But somehow I overcame those feelings, and had him licking my pussy, bringing me to a mind-blowing orgasm. It was the best one I have had in quite some time, with me screaming so loud that now, two days later, my throat is still a bit sore!

Last night I was determined we were going to make the Rimba work. After getting him the penis strap on him (and ensuring he was not bleeding this time : ) I began turning up the strength. Initially his moans were soft, but as I turned up the power higher his moans became greater and his entire body tensed. he reached back and grabbed on to the headboard of the bed, his hands grabbing so tightly that his knuckles were white. This went on for quite a while- I would turn up the Rimba until he was in pain, and then back it off just slightly to where it was bringing him strong, pleasurable sensations. Every few minutes I would back the intensity off, then heighten it again.

I had determined in advance that I would let him have an orgasm, but only if he could reach it completely hands-free. I was not sure if he was going to be able to do it. I decided to try and push up the intensity a bit, very slowly taking him beyond the threshold between pleasure and pain. Ever so slightly I turned the Rimba up. At this point the muscles in his legs were contracting and his moans were very loud. After a few minutes at this very high intensity his moans turned into screams, and he was finally met with the release he desired.

It was one of the most intense D/s moments we have ever had. The power and control I had in my hand with the Rimba was wonderfully exhilarating, and I loved watching his entire body affected by the sensations he was feelings. The Rimba will definitely be a regular plaything for us!

Time For Us

It is not very often that j and I have time completely alone. We do quite well considering that our only time for intimacy is late at night, after our daughter is in bed. Since our time alone is so limited, I really appreciate any time like this that we get. Our daughter left today for camp. For the next four nights there will be no knocks on the door, no one asking for dessert, to help put up their hair, or lunches to pack. It was sad to see her go, and I got a little weepy as we left, but damn- I am SO ready to have my wonderfully submissive man all to myself!

I hope that in the time we have alone we will be able to reignite the D/s sparks. Maintaining a D/s relationship is tough at times, and like all relationships it requires work. I remember when j and I first started to incorporate D/s into our marriage. Initially it was just something that we did in the bedroom. It was fun, exciting, and like getting a new toy! But for me, it was never enough for it just to be a sexual thing. Right away I knew that I wanted it to be 24/7. I wanted to be j's Domme all the time, in the bedroom or not. I know a relationship like this is not for everyone, but for us it is very comfortable and natural.

I look forward to a week of love, romance, bondage, discipline, sensuality, orgasms, and lots and lots of sex. I am grateful that I have a wonderful partner with which to share this time.